15 Ways To Be Healthy Down There
Disclaimer: this article is not for squeamish readers and the faint of heart. First things first - we're going to squash any and all awkwardness about 'down there'. We're about to get real. Sure you might be running the risk of sounding like Eve Ensler (like that's a bad thing?) but say it out loud as you read it. V-a-g-i-n-a. Doesn't that feel good? Our lady parts go through enough on a monthly basis, and excluding all the other hormonal and patriarchal nonsense that we, and our V's, go through, our parts deserve to be celebrated and respected at any given time. The very least we can do is call her by her biologically given name. We use so many euphemistic words to get around saying the word like it's all taboo and dirty. If we avoid talking about our parts we avoid taking proper care of her, and doesn't everyone just want the freshest lady flower in the garden?
As with most things female our V's are as majestic as they are delicate so they take a little - read: a lot - of maintenance. Our body is so smart it has its own language and is almost always communicating with us. The problem is that we aren't always listening/don't speak the same language. We're too busy minimizing and erasing any sign of our V's to notice her screaming underneath our Hanky Pankys. Knowledge is power and the more we know about our bodies the more it will reward us. So let's hash it all out. I'm talking about the stuff you cringe about even when talking to your partner, your gynecologist, and you're closest of girlfriends. No shame necessary we're all friends here.
15 Clean Bean
Good hygiene should be a no brainer but we women are constantly bombarded with false information on what we should and shouldn't be doing to our bodies and all the competing demands can get really confusing. We also juggle full lives and can at times slack in the self-care department. Carry fragrance free wet wipes or baby wipes around with you when you are out and about, especially in the hotter weather, to help get rid of residue and the build up of sweat, which will minimize any stale odors. But be sure to only clean the outside. And from front to back - there is a right and wrong way to wipe! It will also save you from those pesky bits of toilet paper that somehow always seem to get stuck up there and only show themselves at the most inopportune moments if you know what I mean.
Change underwear regularly. If you are experiencing any kind of discomfort or sign of a problem down there the fresher the underwear the more comfortable you will be. Showering twice a day is probably a treat for your V but for some it's maybe not the best for your skin. If it's not for you rinse for the waist down Bidet style - or better yet get one for your bathroom. You're lady will be feeling like a European princess in no time.
14 Hair-care/Bare-care
This one is a sensitive topic for the ladies but I can hardly write an article about V's and ignore hair down there. I'm not going to preach a preferred pubic hairstyle because there are pros and cons of both and the world is always trying to tell women how to wear our hair, whether it's on our heads or our bodies. Hair is a historical signifier of colonization, and patriarchal oppression. So do what you want with your garden but do it smart. Bush queens know that you need to wash your lady and her garden thoroughly and often. The hair holds on to sweat, which can leave you with a strong odor. Bare babes beware of skin irritation, bumps, ingrown hairs, abrasions and injury from grooming. It never hurts to treat your V to a spa day so remember to moisturize and exfoliate with or without a bush and don't forget confidence is key.
13 Know Thyself
Discharge - otherwise known as a woman's crystal ball. It makes our undergarments dirty but it keeps our V's clean so we should really cut ourselves some slack for leaving a trail. It's basically magic that keeps you moist (couldn't help myself) so that you're ready to GO at any moment. Your discharge is your best wing woman! It can tell you almost anything you need to know about your body - what you lack in your diet, whether you drink enough water, if you're ovulating, whether you have an infection, which is as normal as catching a cold and does not mean you suffer from Greyscale, if you have an STI, etc. - so ladies it's really in your best interests to get to know your own personal brand 'stuff'. Discharge has its own specific smell, color, and consistency that change depending on your current hormonal levels. It's a lot to keep up to date with. Do yourself a huge solid and spend some time investigating how yours fluctuates so that you can catch and fix whatever funk is going on.
12 Good Probes Only
Find a good probiotic that works for you. This tip may be the most important thing for a healthy V, plus a whole bunch of added goodness. Why? It's essential to maintain a healthy balance of the unique species of bacteria that live in your V. Don't freak out because we used the word bacteria in conjunction with vagina, it's not gross it's great! The V is home to strains of good bacteria or probiotic called Lactobacillus, which acts as a defensive force colonizing the tract and producing lactic acid to keep the pathogens or infection-causing bacteria at bay. That's more magic happening right under our noses. Due to our highly complex female processes that allow us to create literal life, our bodies sometimes need a little extra help.
The hormonal changes during our menstrual cycle, the immunity drop from a common cold, a course of antibiotics, soap - pretty much anything - can disrupt the pH level and bacteria in our V leaving her vulnerable to infection. The best defense is a good offence so why not jump the gun and arm yourself with the baddest artillery in town. You can find probiotics in fermented food, dairy products, and daily supplements that will take care of the good bacteria in your V, bladder, and urinary tract. Different combinations work for different cases so do your homework. Bonus - say goodbye to that annoying bloat you can't get rid of and your irregular bowel movements because the good bacteria you are sending to your V passes through your gut, and we ladies can always use a little help there.
11 Infection Inspection
While we are on the topic of bacteria we may as well familiarize ourselves with the common types of infections that plague our nether land and put a stopper in our intimate lives. Yeah they are icky, uncomfortable, and one of the more annoying things about having lady parts but you can't get rid of something you don't know you have so it's best to know what to look for.
- The Yeast Infection is caused by an overgrowth of candida, which can make your discharge look like cottage cheese and your V to catch an unshakeable itch. These little buggers are nasty and can be triggered by anything from an uncustomary surplus of intimate activity to stress.
- Bacterial Vaginitis has been linked to high a vaginal pH level and low levels of Lactobacillus. Symptoms include gray discharge, a fishy odor, burning during urination, and of course itching.
- Urinary Tract Infection is caused by bacteria that usually live in the bum, like E. coli, creeping up the V and occurs anywhere in the urinary system. Symptoms include painful and over frequent peeing.
It goes without saying but go see your doctor if you notice anything out of the ordinary. Unless you are a pro and have your treatment regime down to a science, there is always a faster solution brought to you by your healthcare provider.
10 Cotton or Commando?
With the exception of purring in the throws of passion, your V is happiest dry with room for air. If chaffing weren't a real live thing due to today's trends no underwear would be the best underwear. Alas we are doomed to discomfort, and squeezing our bodies into form fitting Kardashian-esque clothes. But to protect your vagina from chaffing in your skinny jeans, treat her to her favorite fabric. No it's not mesh, cut out, lace thongs. It's cotton. I can hear the protesting eye rolls. Yes you always want to be prepared for an impromptu romp, and nobody wants a real life Bridget Jones control-top knickers moment, but be careful with living in skimpy underwear. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure that the 'wrong' pair of undergarments has never, in the history of intimacy, stopped the act, whereas impractical underwear is a breeding ground for bacteria, which is the opposite of hot.
We know that the V mostly keeps herself wet so she really doesn't need any help in that department from underwear that doesn't breathe. Invest in a bunch of cotton underwear in all colors, shapes, and styles so that you and your V can stay fresh and frisky. And maybe it's time to take Mum's old school advice and pop an extra pair in your purse for later. You never know what might happen.
9 You Are What You Eat
Yes you can eat yourself towards a healthier, brighter V. Are you really surprised by that? All that talk about guys eating pineapple before they come home with us is true, and well I guess we should get with the program. Of course all of the dietary restrictions we should be imposing on ourselves will also improve our V health, fight infection, and fight the funk. We already know certain foods can improve our V's pH level, which is of course where our lady parts gets her taste from. Reducing caffeine and sugar and increase water intake to increase lubrication and self-cleaning. Introduce foods like yoghurt, kombucha, cranberries, and kimchi to level out your V's pH. The real kicker for us gals is being able to control how we taste in some way because we can't help but want to correct vagina's natural smell and make her smell like daisies after years of blindly believing all that bull crap about our V's smelling and tasting like bad fish. Regardless of what you eat know your scene and own your scent. It's you at your purest and most unique.
8 Safe Sessions
Have safe intimacy. I know Shakespeare made 'making the beast with two backs' sound super appealing and unprotected but nookie is fun with our favorite rubber friends too because then you get to do it without the frantic feeling of an impeding transmitted disease. There is a plethora coming for us and while I am a huge cheerleader for regular STI checks, going to your doctor every three months - you know because of the window - is not really an effective method of safe nookie. Intimate freedom is the best thing since nookie itself, but it really isn't the same if you are planning your next blood test minutes after climax.
7 Safer Safe Nookie
A latex allergy is definitely something to be aware of, and can cause irritation during or after intimacy. It's pretty common and can easily go undetected. Some people put little to no thought into their choice of protection. Don't be one of them because using the wrong kind of protection for your lady flower can cause a whole series of discomfort and you'll be out of commission for a little bit. And while it is indeed inconvenient not to be able to use any old condom lying around - you really shouldn't do that anyway - it doesn't mean you should go without. It is 2016 (almost 2017) it takes two minutes on a little thing called Google to solve this problem. There are options from the same reputable brands that we all know and love. You can even order sampler packs to try a variety to see what protection suits you the best. So I don't know what excuse you could possibly come up with except gross negligence or a planned pregnancy.
6 Get Fancy With Fun
Now that we've graduated high school and do our homework on time and have learnt to use protection we can get fancy. I'm talking about Lubricant. Not only will it spice up your intimacy levels it will prevent excess friction. You may be thinking hang on V's produce a hell of a lot of their own fluid, why add lubricant to the mix. Not everyone needs to use it, but it is a good idea especially when using protection as it can avoid irritation, chafing, and abrasions - which, you guessed it, can mean an infection or the transmission of one. Always use a non-oil based lubricant and don't skimp on your choice here. Quality should be on your mind. It is going to be going all the way up your mysterious lady temple and god knows where else, besides you don't want to be trying to prevent pain during intimacy with a lube that ends up burning your V until next Tuesday.
5 Ditch the Douche
Personally I'm confused as to why douches get anywhere near V's (all of the puns intended). Douching is an outdated and archaic method of cleaning out the inside of the vagina by squirting fluid upward through a tube. The fluid is usually a mix of water and vinegar or baking soda or iodine, all of which are alkaline. I don't know if you remember your sixth grade chemistry lesson but when you mix acid with alkaline you neutralize the substance and neutral is not what we want our vaginas to be. We need them to be their badass acidic selves for optimum protection.
Douches are designed to make the vagina fresh as a spring chicken or something like that, although I'm not exactly sure how. It's a method from almost two full centuries ago that was originally used as hush-hush birth control disguised as a tool for female hygiene that had a renaissance at the end of the last century when the media reminded us that our vaginas should smell like some kind of car air freshener. No it should smell like a vagina. Who wants to get it on with an air freshener? Hopefully no one, that sounds like a trip to the emergency room. One in four women in the U.S still douche, which is ridiculous considering that all they do is flush out your natural magical, pathogen fighting, self-cleaning and lubricating goodness. I mean they are bloody useless. No wonder the douche has become synonymous with obnoxious contemptible jerks.
4 Feminine Products
Aside from dealing with the sheer annoyance if paying an extra tax on all the products catered specifically to women - tampons, pads, feminine wash, scented body wash, and deodorants - we need to swallow the fact that all of these products contain harmful ingredients to our bodies. So we have to take extra special care when buying and using feminine hygiene products them. There are so many soaps towards women that have added perfumes. And we might think: "Oh we like to smell like flowers. It's pretty." Well the problem with washing yourself with perfumed soaps is that they contain alcohol and alcohol is no friend to your V. The soaps that are supposedly made with the purpose to clean our lady parts, harm them. Search for natural soaps sans parfum and don't lather your lady with bubbles.
Take extra care to change tampons and pads regularly. Leaving them there too long is a sure way to prompt an infection. It's very important to keep everything dry during menstruation because of the change in hormone levels. And just a friendly reminder that the materials used to make the products that get up close and personal with our delicate parts are bleached white. Maybe it's time to switch to a cup or try out those potentially life altering THINX pants.
3 Doctor Who?
If you don't know the name of your gynecologist you need an intervention. If you are intimately active and/or over twenty-one you should be seeing your doctor at the very least once a year for your annual exam. Get to know your doctor. She is your V's protector and knight in shining armor. Avoiding the gynecologist because it's awkward or because you don't have time is quite seriously one of the most irresponsible things a woman can do. Aside from making sure you don't have any type of cancer in your lady parts, your gynecologist is the most qualified person to tell you everything you need to know about your body, and it is her job to help you take care of it. She may even deliver your baby one day. It might be intimidating the first couple of times but your doctor is just trying to get to know you and your history to better treat you. She is not judging you. Remember she has to answer all those questions too.
2 Self Pleasure Station
I'm sure we all know this by now, but for this is for those that don't, get on board and take regular trips to play station. Whether you want to use electrical devices for an added buzz or get up close and personal with yourself is up to you, but do yourself a favor. Sure you may have a healthy life, that doesn't mean you don't need to explore yourself. It's not dirty, or shameful and it doesn't mean you are some kind of sick person. There are real mental, emotional, and of course physical benefits to pleasing yourself. The big O is so often achieved as a result of playing with yourself and releases endorphins into the body. These endorphins help relieve stress and tension, can boost the metabolism, and help offset insomnia. Hey, if Hailee Steinfeld is singing about how great it is to touch herself, you should be to.
1 Check yourself out
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Your lady part is. Get yourself a hand mirror and point it up towards yourself. Take a long hard look at where everything is and admire the complexity between your legs. Most women don't really know what their privates look like. And the best way to get on a first name basis with your lady parts is to go down there and meet her. It might sound ridiculous but honestly isn't it more ridiculous the number of people who have spent more time looking at your vagina than you? The more time you spend with your vagina the more you will learn about her, and the easier it will be for you to understand when she is trying to tell you something. Once you get it down it's like a super power and will help you take care of the rest of your body too, because your V really is that amazing.