18 Ways To Be More Supportive To Your Partner

Perhaps one of the best feelings in the world is when you can go out and brag about how you have the perfect man (or woman). When you can tell your friends you've finally found the one and they can all drool while watching how sweet you and your partner are with each other. Well, of course not all days are good days. There will come a time when the storm will knock down your house, and that's not a pretty picture to see. The thing about relationships is that you have to understand that you can't share all storms. No matter how much you want to be under their clouds, sometimes a wall just grows between you two. Needless to say, there are many ways you can support your partner, whatever they're going through. Test the waters and learn from your trial and error process until you find the right way to approach them. And these tips will guide you towards becoming a more supportive partner.

18 Remind her that you're a team

Just because she's fighting her own fight doesn't mean you can't be there with her. Being supportive of your partner's decision doesn't mean you have to walk through the battlefield together. And more often than not, people don't really like it when they're in the midst of something big and their partner is always attached to their hips. Not good, people. Not good. So instead, sit on the benches and scream her name. Or grab some pompoms and be her cheerleader. Show her that the two of you can be on the same side but not too close to one another. Remind her that you two will always be a team. There are people who prefer to be in their own box whenever they're facing something big. If that's the kind of person your partner is, respect that. Sometimes, all it takes to be supportive and gentle at the same time is to be a mere member of the team.

17 Accept the crappy days

No matter what you do, no matter how much you serve them or vice versa, there will always be crappy days. There will always be those days when you're not in the mood or they're not in the mood or both of you are experiencing a sh*tty time at work. That's inevitable. But of course, there are many ways turn the mood upside down. Instead of fighting about petty things because both of you are easily irritated, just sit back and accept that there will always be crappy days. And on those days, both of you need to learn how to get through it. Sometimes, a visit to an ice cream parlor would work, other times, it won't. But regardless of how you deal with such days, just avoid fighting it. There's nothing you can do to eliminate bad days forever. Let the dark clouds pour rain if it wants to. If you don't have an umbrella, just play in the rain instead of running for shelter.

16 Don't obsess over your relationship

We did mention in the title of this article that this is a list of tips on how to be more supportive, so don't get us wrong but sometimes, people tend to be obsessed over their relationships. Sometimes we overreact and instead of treating our partners like a queen, we treat them like an invalid who is dying of cancer in 5 days. Seriously, don't. It's wise to check up on yourself every now and then and see how you are doing in the relationship. How you're treating your partner and how much you talk about it in public. Don't wait for them to say you're always all over them or all over the entire relationship. If you notice that you are, step back a little and remind yourself that it's the wise thing to do. You two are not conjoined twins. Keep in mind that you need to pay attention to yourself too, not just to the relationship.

15 Don't state the obvious

Refrain from saying “man, that sucks” or any similar lines when your partner tells you about their bad day. They already know it sucks. They already know you're feeling sorry for them. Putting it into words every single time your partner feels bad will just make things worse. This is the part when you can be more creative. Think of other things you can tell them that could cheer them up. Even silly things. Test the waters and see if they're up for hearing funny stories or stories that are not about sadness and f-ed up life. There are many ways to respond to a partner who is pouring their emotions. Stating the obvious and the ever-common stereotypical replay are not part of the options. In fact, if you plan to tell them you're sorry or you know it sucks, it would be a lot better if you just shut up. We're not being rude here, but sometimes, the common things we do (like stating the obvious) just make things worse.

14 Always be honest

Yes, being honest in one hard task to master, but you don't really have to master it. It is understandable if every now and then you still end up lying or making excuses one after the other. The lying game is part of life. However, if you just exert a little more extra effort to be honest, to take the blame when you should really take the blame, then things will be a lot more harmonious. There are days when the kind of support we need is simply knowing that despite the craziness this universe brings, we have a partner who does everything they can to be honest. Believe it or not, this will strengthen your relationship. So stop blaming the neighbor's dog. Stop making excuses. If you did something wrong or stupid, just spit it out and remind your partner how much honesty matters to you and to your relationship.

13 Don't offer unsolicited advice

We all appreciate advice from others, especially from our partner's. We like it when there is actually a conversation and when our other half shares their thoughts. But there are times when we do not give a sh*t about their thoughts and advice. Don't worry, it's not you. It's just that life is a wild rollercoaster and mood swings a lot. So when your partner is having a bad time, be careful when blurting out your thoughts. Be careful when giving them advice as well. If you know nothing about the problem they're dealing with, it's probably better that you keep your mouth shut instead of throwing advice in the room. Keep in mind that while unsolicited advice helps, it can sometimes hurt. So if your partner isn't asking for your opinion, don't give it away. Don't state the obvious either. Just be there and listen. Sometimes, being there is enough to make people feel better.

12 Be encouraging but not pushy

Encouraging others is one of the best ways to show you support them. Offering that you'll be with them when they do something scary is also great. We all want our partners to be part of the great things we do, like building a small business or moving out of the country to see the bigger world. But if your partner is doubting themselves, the first thing you'd want is to find the thin line between being encouraging and being pushy. Then stay far away from the being pushy side. We all want the love of our lives to know we got their back, but we don't want to be the one pushing that back. So yes, you are allowed to encourage them and be with them. But please, for the sake of all relationship gurus and couple counselors, do not be the man (or woman) who is so pushy he ends up pushing his partner away.

11 Stop asking her what's wrong

This is probably the most annoying thing someone can do to his partner. If you want her to leave you then just tell her, instead of annoying her by asking this question over and over again. Because believe it or not, this dumb question can lead your partner to leave you. Hell yes. And besides, if she did tell you what's wrong, how would that change things? Will it make things feel better? Will it make her feel better? Can you fix it if ever she told you what's wrong? People love to throw this question around and it can get really annoying so fast. Technically, there is nothing wrong with asking this, and it is an effective way to show someone you support them and you're there for them. But sometimes, we tend to ask this a million times in a year; that's when it becomes annoying. So just stop. Stay away from this question.

10 Don't be afraid to ask for what you need

Unless your partner is a psychic of some sort, you can skip this tip. But most of us don't have psychic partners so we actually need to put this on the list. Most people think their partners should automatically know what they want. They think their actions always speak loud and clear. No my friend, that's not how it works. If you want something, you will have to ask for it. In intimacy, actions would probably work. But being in a bad mood for weeks and not telling your partner why… do not expect them to know why. Whatever your issue is, it's always better to put it into words. If they hate it or think it's a stupid thing to ask for, then at least there's a conversation going. At least you two are actually talking about it. Asking for what you want is not being demanding, unless you have a really long list of things you want. It's simply being open and trusting your partner they'll take your wants seriously.

9 Don't make it about you

Many people tend to do this. I myself am guilty of this sometimes. For some unknown reasons, when our partner opens up about a bad day or a bad life or whatever bad thing going on, we flip the story. Please don't. Do not make it about you. Do not compare and say if she's having a bad day then you're having the worst. It's just not fair and it is super childish. Nobody wants a childish partner, okay? So instead of flipping the story, just listen to whatever she's got to say. Be there, for real. Listen to her whines and hear her thoughts out. We all make a fuss about the small things sometimes. And sure, there are also instances when it's actually a big problem. But regardless, it's not wise to make it about you. You're not always the victim and most definitely, you're not the only person allowed to have a bad day.

8 Have separate hobbies

When in a relationship, people have the tendency to fuse their life together with their partner's. We introduce our loved one to all our friends and co-workers, and then they'll do the same. We welcome them in our life and make them a big part of every single thing we do. Now this is actually great. It's fun to know your partner wants you to be part of the many things going on in their life. But it's wise to always remember that aside from the life you two have as a couple, the both of you also have separate lives. And these two separate lives still need to be lived. As healthy as it is to do things together, it's also fairly important to have a separate little bubble where the two of you can retreat to, away from each other. It's important that you still do a few things without your partner, like old-time hobbies or hanging out with friends who don't know him much. This helps keep the relationship healthy.

7 Let go of expectations

Supporting our loved one simply means being there for them. But sometimes, we tend to think that since we're always there for them then they should do the same. We tend to expect things from them. This is when the problem begins. Expectations can hurt you badly, regardless if you're in a relationship or not. This is why many people say success is also synonymous to letting go of expectations. It works pretty similar with relationships. The more you expect from them, the more chances of you dealing with disappointed because they didn't deliver. It can also lead to them feeling too pressured. This is not the kind of relationship you want to have. So instead, just live free and let things take its course. If you did something and you want something in return, tell them about it. Ask for it. But don't expect them to give it. Remember that they're your partner, not a prototype that supposed to do whatever their creator designed them for.

6 Give her space

This is one of the most effective ways to support our partners, but ironically, this is also the one many people forget. Giving our loved ones space when she's feeling awful or sad can have a huge impact not only in the relationship but also on a personal level. She will know that when she's in a bad mood, she can still have the space she needs from time to time. And that is something. Because the fact is, we all need some alone time. If she's not in a good mood and she doesn't want to talk about it, don't pry. Don't force her to talk about it. And please, do not get mad when you asked and she doesn't want to tell. It's her way of taking care of herself. Silence can mend many things and can clear the heavy emotion. Maybe that's what she needs. So if she asks you to sleep in the other room, or to not eat with her, give her that.

5 Admit when you're wrong

Admitting our mistakes is one of the most difficult things to do, there's no argument on that. Even the kindest person on earth probably have had problems with admitting their wrongdoings. But this doesn't mean it's impossible. Whenever we do something wrong, no matter how big or small that is, our partners have all the right to know. They deserve to know. We always owe them the truth because we wanted them to be part of our life. And you probably don't want them to be part of a life where lies grow in trees, right? So it's always a positive note to them if you admit your wrongdoings, and if you admit you're the wrong one when fighting. More often than not, a fight lasts long only because the wrong person is too coward to admit that they are wrong. And besides, not admitting it will just keep you imprisoned in your lies and mistakes.

4 Make your actions do the speaking

We all need quiet time. We all have those days when everything feels so wrong we're exhausted of it. When your partner is having one of those days, let your actions do the talking. Do small gestures like giving them a handwritten letter or Mark Twain quote. Pick a flower and leave it beside them. Hug them and then give them the space they need and deserve. Seeing our partner having a tough time, it's going to be super hard to sit and not do anything. It's hard to not be able to comfort her through sweet words. But sometimes, we need to do it if we want to keep the relationship strong. Keep in mind that your silence doesn't mean you don't care. It just means you understand the importance of it. So go for small gestures instead. It may be small but it will have a real big effect on them. It may not solve their problem maybe, just maybe, it can make them feel better.

3 Take care of yourself

We all need to be strong enough so when our partner feels shaky, they can lean on us anytime they want and no matter how long they need. But how can we be strong if we don't take good care of ourselves? How can we carry the heavy weight of bad times when we are cracked or broken? Always remember that taking care of yourself is just as important as being there to support your partner. You owe yourself some “me time” every now and then, so give it to yourself. Love yourself more and more each day like how you love your partner. Check in and see how your heart is doing. Look back and observe how things were for the past few months, and see how you've been dealing with things today. This will help you learn more about yourself. And until you take that step of learning about yourself little by little, it's only then that you can learn more how to walk through foggy roads.

2 Listen with intensity

Listening is undoubtedly one of the most vital aspects of a relationship. Sadly, though, not all relationships have a good dose of it. Some people tend to listen only to the good stories. Some tend to listen only when their partner praises them. And many pretend they're deaf (or asleep and won't wake up until they get a kiss) when their partner is talking about their bad situation. The lack of listening skills can be a sign you're not mature enough to be in a mature, serious relationship. Yes, you can also say it's a sign you're still a child. So instead of playing deaf, listen to your partner with intensity. Sometimes, they're only talking about half of the problem and it's your job to ask your instincts about the other half. And your instincts won't know if you're not listening to your partner. It may sound cheesy, but listening is a really powerful gesture of support.

1 Stay away from “I understand”

Dear person reading this, saying “I understand” even if you know you don't is just making you the most annoying person in the world. We all want to support our partners. We want them to know we're always there, we hear them, we feel them. But please, if you have zero idea what they're talking about or zero idea why they feel the way they feel about something, do not claim that you understand. Because you don't. Because if you say you do understand, and then you react in such a way that offends them, they will know that you really don't understand. And that you lied. And that would piss them off more. I sincerely hope this is clear enough because really, the “I understand” line can be super annoying. Don't let your relationship fall through the cracks just because of some stupid lines like this. It's not worth it.