15 Ways To Avoid An Awkward First Date
Dating can be scary even in the best of circumstances… like when it's really exciting. But more often than not, dating is more than a little awkward. When you go on a first date, you've usually never met the guy before at all, or maybe you have but you've never been on a date which changes the stakes. The point of a date is, of course, to see if this person is even worth dating in the first place (and they're doing the same thing), and it's a pretty stressful and highly charged type of situation. There's a lot to figure out when you're assessing people on a date, like if you think they're attractive, if they're nice, if they're interesting if you want to sleep with them, etc. Then add to that the fact that they are staring at you and thinking about all the same things. No pressure! It would be weird if first dates weren't a little awkward because it's natural to be slightly shy in that sort of a situation. But it doesn't have to be like beyond awkward, it should still be fun even if you're nervous. Here are 15 ways to make sure that the first date isn't awkward.
15 Don't Try To Be Perfect
Trying to be the perfect girlfriend option on a first date is definitely going to backfire on you. This is not the way to land your dream guy, that's for sure. For one thing, he's going to find out who you really are eventually, and he's either going to like that person or not. If he doesn't like the real you, tricking him into thinking that you're a little different at the beginning isn't going to help keep him. But news flash: you shouldn't want to date some dude who doesn't like the real you. Hello! Don't forget that. But another issue about trying to be perfect on a date, even if to you that just means something like not cussing, you're going to get in your head and be censoring what you're saying and doing instead of relaxing into the experience. When you're in your head you're not only more likely to trip yourself up, but it makes it harder to pay attention and really listen to what he's saying, so you can come off as disinterested or not great at conversing even though you're totally interested.
14 Get Drinks Instead Of Dinner
The thing about first dates is that you don't usually know exactly what you're getting into. If you met online, that is definitely even more true. But even if you know someone already (say you met at work or through friends), spending time with them alone can be a totally different experience, and it doesn't always work out to be a match made in heaven. In those circumstances where you don't end up liking someone or you just feel more of a friend vibe at the moment, it can be a huge blessing to be on a date that has a little less commitment. Meeting for dinner can be a long process and technically it can last until he feels like it's time to pay the bill. Even if he's footing the bill at the bar and you need to leave you could offer to pay out since you "need to get going" or whatever. Realistically you can leave someone at a bar even if they personally are not ready to leave, which is not a freedom that you have when you are seated at a table unless you're incredibly savage and just don't give an f at all.
13 Wear Something Comfy
You want to look hot on a first date, of course… but you also want to feel like yourself and not be distracted the whole time wondering if your boob is going to fall out onto your plate. Try to wear something that just feels like you… but also super nice. If you can't walk in your shoes, or your pants are cutting off your circulation when you sit down, you could literally be cutting off your physical freedom as well as just distracting yourself to the moon and back. Letting other people dress you for a date can be fun in some circumstances, but at the same time they are likely to set you up in something that you would not be likely to wear normally and it might not be your vibe at all. If there's anything you want to do on a first date it is to be totally authentic and put forward your real authentic vibe. This doesn't mean wear your favorite ripped t-shirt since that's what you'll be doing every Sunday for the remainder of the relationship, but it might mean pair your favorite infallible jeans with a cute top and some heels.
12 Have A Filter
So most people have a bit of a filter when it comes to stuff that they are willing to share with the general public via social media vs their best friends at happy hour. Your friends know everything about you, your boss doesn't. Okay, so not everyone has that filter built in because hey, that girl from your high school definitely doesn't (wow… ) but you probably do. Try to use a similar barometer when you're figuring out what is first date conversation and what isn't. You might get super comfortable with some people really quickly, or maybe you're really drunk, but either way you probably don't want to tell the guy your funny bathroom story just like you wouldn't share that with your followers. Dates are more personal than how you might talk with your coworkers, but you also have to ease into them and stay at least a little bit mysterious in the sense that there will be more for them to learn on say a second date. That is, of course, only if your intention is to actually get to a second date.
11 Don't Get Smashed
Drinking alcohol on a date is pretty standard and hey, most of us prefer that. After all, nothing releases the inhibitions and gets the conversation flowing like a little healthy wine buzz. But having a drink limit might be a smart move, since getting wasted on a first date isn't a good look. For one thing, if you get too drunk you might be more likely to start divulging information that you would not have otherwise. You know, like admitting all your flaws in one sitting with stories to explain each one in depth. For another thing it literally makes you look less attractive. Seriously there are studies done on how drinking in the moment affects the way that people look, and more than a couple and they can look a little less appealing. Maybe it's your wandering eyeballs that stop being able to focus on anything besides the bartender. It goes without saying that getting drunk on a first date also means that the physical stuff can get weird, whether that's a sloppy first kiss or going too far. Not to mention that drinking tends to erase some memories and you probably need them to figure out how your first date went when tomorrow comes around.
10 Don't Decide He's The One
And don't decide that he's the one before you've even met him at all. You know you do it. You've poured over his Instagram until you practically have it memorized and you're starting to remember the names of his friends and family, who you've also stalked and feel great about. He seems cute and successful and pretty much exactly the man that you've been looking for, so why wouldn't he be the one? You start daydreaming and can totally imagine how things are going to go down favorably. And maybe they will! But why on earth would you need to know that now? If anything building someone up like that just puts them on a pedestal that it is harder for you to reach, keep that guy on your level where he belongs. When you assume that someone is perfect and awesome in every way and you also really hope that they are, you set an expectation and are going to be looking for ways to uphold it. That means you might find all kinds of amazing things about him when you finally do meet, but also that you ignore some warning signs or just signs that he's a man and not a god.
9 Don't Be Super Negative
Sometimes people think it's funny to be negative, since yeah, that can be true sometimes. But there's a huge difference in being insightful and downright spiteful, and you don't want to come off as someone who is negative if you aren't. If you are, you should work on that so that you aren't in general life or on your dates! Surely you've had the experience where you can feel the energy in a room change because of someone's negative energy, or where you just can't get away from someone who's talking to you for the same reason. You don't want to be that person, and no matter how cute you feel you can absolutely still be that person if you go down that negative path. You probably aren't negative all the time so you certainly don't want the guy you're with worrying that you are. Don't be rude to the waiter, or talk down on your work, or yourself, or be impossible about the food. Just make your decisions without adding a scathing remark about them.
8 Bring Your Sense Of Humor
Keeping a sense of humor about the whole dating thing can really work wonders. It's common on a first date to have some awkward silences since both people are trying to figure out the right things to do and say. But they're a lot less awkward if you don't treat them like they're an issue. Silences are normal in any kind of conversation (honestly, just start paying more attention) and it's more awkward if you keep rambling and try to fill the space. If you do hit a serious awkward silence, just laugh about it instead of freaking out because it is sort of funny. Two adults who just don't know what to do. It's not like hitting a silent spot is going to point a flashing sign at your flaws or something, it's just a lull. When you can embrace those parts as funny and nothing else it will actually help you get to know someone faster because it can totally break the ice and shake off any excess awkwardness that you both came in with.
7 Accept That It Might Suck
If you already know that a date is going to be terrible because you know the person or something, well, you don't actually have to go in the first place which can save some trouble. Of course, sometimes we're totally wrong about those preconceived judgments altogether and you also don't want to cut yourself off from some potential matches just because you aren't 100 percent it's going to be the best date ever. Often it's a good idea to go even if you don't suspect a real match because it's practice, you might make a friend, and you can check out some local spots you've been meaning to hit up but didn't have a reason to. If you can just accept that a date might suck ahead of time you won't have to worry that it will. The worst case scenario is usually just that you don't like him or vice versa, but that's life and you can't escape that. In the off chance, someone is a total jerk you just leave and move on. Other than that it's unlikely to be a real disaster. But even if it is, then so what?
6 Try To Be Polite
You don't have to be over the top and break out your super formal manners on the first date. But being polite is a nice quality in any situation where someone is trying to enjoy your time and get to know you. Don't be rebellious or try and act out to prove that you're an independent woman that doesn't really need a man, as that just comes off as confused. If you're on a date you're probably interested in dating. Even if you don't like the guy you don't need to be rude about it, because what does that accomplish. You can be gracious and thankful for the interest without leading someone on, you just say that you're not interested. Seriously there are polite ways to say pretty much anything that you might want to say to someone, and being able to exercise that makes you look like a mature and responsible adult as opposed to a reactive and defensive person. They say leave people better than you found them, and that can apply to failed dates as well.
5 Don't Talk Exes
It doesn't really matter how casually you bring them up (or why you're even chatting about them in the first place). It's always a good idea to leave the exes out of the first date conversation. The last thing you want to be thinking about when you're getting to know someone is who else they've been with and why you're trying to figure out whether they make sense with you. It's hard for people not to compare themselves to people's exes in a relationship or dating situation, but the fact always remains that exes are exes for a reason. They existed in the past and for the most part that is where they belong as well. Of course, there are going to be aspects about your past relationships that come forward with you, since everything you go through helps to make who you are in the future, but the first date is not the time to explain how. There are so many better things to discuss and better ways to get to know a person than to talk about their exes who are no longer relevant.
4 Try An Activity Date
Another way to make things less awkward on a date is to take it on the move. Sitting across from one another staring into each other's eyes can be super romantic if you have that starry connection from the first moment, but it can also be a little intense and super awkward if it doesn't feel natural yet. Instead of staring right at each other and wondering whether he's assessing your facial movements and thinking you need Botox, go on a date that keeps you moving. It's a lot more natural to carry on a conversation in the real world, not to mention that awkward silences don't feel awkward because there are things to look at and take in when you're walking beside each other. A lot of people love a hiking date for this reason, but if that's too much of a time commitment get coffee to go and walk around the neighborhood. Even taking a drive can work for this kind of thing. The key is to be doing something that feels natural so that your conversation and experience of each other can flow naturally as well.
3 Don't Gossip
Sometimes people start to gossip when they don't know what else to talk about, which you might notice when someone from the gym tries to engage you in conversation but doesn't have anything to discuss besides a mutual acquaintance. You don't need to fall into this trap ever, but you especially shouldn't do it when you don't know exactly who you're even talking to. Do you know how small this world is? You could casually bring up a story about someone and the guy you're on a date with actually works with them or something. Gossiping, in general, comes off as catty and immature as a conversation filler, but it can get really bad when you spill too much and you actually create an issue that you don't know how to backtrack out of. Imagine if it got back to someone that you were spilling their very private beans… while you were on a first date. Their first reaction would probably be wondering why you were discussing them when you should have been focusing on your date, which is true.
2 Avoid The Interrogation
You want to ask him questions, sure, but you don't want to interrogate him. Asking questions should flow naturally and have some back and forth give and take as you do so. You don't need to get through a set of ten key questions on the first date, it's fine if you only make it to one because that means that the conversation took its own natural path and you were experiencing an in the moment thing. Don't cut him off or ignore your own follow-up anecdote because you're trying to get to the next question. You know what interrogations are for… proving people's guilt or innocence. They're not for getting to know people. You've probably experienced this feeling in a casual situation like when your brother's annoying friend wouldn't leave you alone and just kept firing questions at you without responding to the social cues that you were giving back. Pay attention to what's happening in the room that you're in while you're on that date and adjust as necessary.
1 Be Realistic
Being realistic about dating means a lot of things. It means not triple booking yourself on Bumble dates one Saturday to fit your schedule because undoubtedly you'll be thinking about your timing and other dates as you own your other dates. Don't expect everything to be perfect with the dinner, and the conversation, and the kiss, as the less expectations you can have before you go means the more likely you won't be let down by what happens. Being realistic also means accepting the fact that you might like someone but not love them within five seconds. Sometimes these things take a little time. Being realistic also means keeping your head straight about date two and not pushing that on him while you're still on date one. It means doing only what you feel comfortable doing, and it means not making excuses for bad behavior just because a guy is cute. It means not deciding ahead of time that a date is going to be horrible, as well as not latching onto the idea that this guy should be your last first date. Keep these 15 things in mind and your first date should at least go pretty well, even if there's no love story afterward!