15 Recent Kids Movies That Are Inappropriate AF

Whether you have children, a kid brother/sister/nephew/niece, or have ever been around a bite-sized human you've spent time watching animated films with a G rating. You also know that children love to watch the same damn thing over, and over again - a tedious and trying habit to say the least. Thankfully the animators and writers at Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, Fox, and whatever other studio that churns out movies for the underage population, has our backs. I don't know if you've noticed but kids' movies are packed with scenes filled with jokes that are definitely not for kids. It's no secret that some of the most pertinent social commentary and ingenious innuendo is served to us in the form of witty banter from our favorite 2D friends. When you aren't a real person you can get away with saying and doing pretty much anything. Come to think about it, it makes sense because the innovators who spend years bringing childhood heroes to life are actually adult artists with adult brain's and adult humor.

Just to be clear I'm not talking about the adult animated material from South Park or Sony's summer smash Sausage Party. I mean the princess-themed/toy-best-friend/targeted-at-kids films that we let into our living rooms, into our children's hearts, minds and mouths. Don't believe me? Take the page from your four-year-old's book and re-watch one of your childhood favorites, or just try not to fall asleep the next time you take her to the movies, and prepare to be scandalized. Or you could save yourself the ninety minutes and read the list I've complied for you below.

15 The Only Size that Matters

You know that little teeny movie that Disney came out with two years ago that every single English-speaking child just could not let go. Maybe you've heard to it, it's about two sister princesses - one of them has this cool power to freeze things, epic braid game, and a killer mezzo-sop belt; the other is cursed with blinding optimism and impulse control issues - called Frozen. What do you mean, you ask? The film is about how familial love between sisters is the truest love. Yes, for sure, but there's also some kind of strange love triangle subplot between Hans, Anna, and Kristoff where Kristoff can't get past the fact that Anna has just gotten engaged to a stranger and knows nothing about him (and he's not wrong that it's sketchy), so he makes a joke referring to the size of her intended's royal princely jewels by asking about how large his feet are! And there you have it a not-so-subtle wiener joke in the middle of a charming scene between the heroes of a kid's film.

14 Linguini's Little Lie

Frozen is not the only culprit here. And you'll start to notice a trend. There's a whole lot of wiener humor in animated films hidden in plain sight - someone on the Disney/Pixar team really knows how to get to the pubescent teen in all of us. There's this moment in Ratatouille that is so fast you have to really be paying attention between Linguini and Colette. He is trying to confess to her his all-powerful secret that he has a pet rat, Remy, who ironically wants to be a chef, hidden on his person guiding him when he is cooking. And as he is trying to admit this difficult truth to Colette, his colleague and love interest, he struggles to describe his precarious cooking aide due to the absurdity that a rat should be anywhere near a restaurant let alone cooking the food. He calls him little, most likely referring to Remy's stature. Colette however instantly looks down to where Linguini's crotch is. The timing is impeccable as is the expression of concern drawn on her face. Once you see it you can't un-see it and sheer simplicity of the joke makes it sublime.

13 Protecting the Krown Jewels

Disney's fascination with male genitalia continues with this epic visual pun of such quality that it only could have been borne of the world-class artists from a multi-billon dollar, multi-faceted film studio with talent oozing from their very fingertips. I'm talking about Kronk's crotch tent from The Emperor's New Groove. Maybe Kronk is just too large for his tent, which he decided to bring to camp while traipsing through the jungle, which brings to mind a whole arsenal of things that he may also be too large for. Perhaps it's the only part of him that needs the shelter and privacy of a tent. Or maybe someone intentionally animated a literal visual representation of pitching a tent - you know when you pop up like a tent pole under the bed sheets - in the middle of a children's movie for all to see so we can get our jollies and connect with our inner kid, while hanging out with our kids.

12 Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Smallest of Them All?

Someone besides Lord Farquaad must be compensating for something because the character is a sex joke. Aside from his name, the comedy surrounding Farquaard's character is a play on how he does not measure up to Princess Fiona (or anyone) upstairs or downstairs. We know this because Shrek, and Donkey et al. hammer away at the joke throughout the movie. And now that we're paying attention and have noticed a certain R-rated trend in our family movies we know that animated characters get down and dirty too. Yes, Shrek is technically on the more adult end of the spectrum with its PG rating but there is a whole scene where Lord Farquad is clearly pleasuring himself. I'm all for exposing kids to #selflove in a supportive and non-judgmental fashion but that's not exactly what's happening here. You've got to give Dreamworks credit though, the scene is pretty hilarious in all of its creepy glory and the look on the Magic Mirror's face makes the whole thing dirtier.

11 Now that's a Joy Ride

The above gif spells out this inappropriate scene pretty well but I'll break it down for those of you who still might be looking at these family films through a rose-colored heart shaped lens. Lightning McWilson is kind of a stud at the beginning of the first Cars film. He's the cherry of the racing world. A regular Kanye, if you will. So naturally, like all celebrities, he has groupies. And as Lightning McWilson's groupies they do what pop culture presumes they would do. They flash him. Literally. Just like Kronk's tent we have a literal visual pun where the female cars are flashing their heartthrob with their headlights. There's no arguing that the headlights are their eyes because they are clearly on the windshield. And if headlights aren't a euphemism for breasts you can hunt me down and call my bluff. But I don't think that will happen because… well, just watch the gif again.

10 The Incredible Karma Sutra

Three cheers for The Incredibles and this eyebrow-raising scene. I mean it's just so brilliantly unabashedly graphic. Elastigirl is coming onto Mr. Incredible real strong here. Sure they hide their identities from the public, and are about to get married, so they are no strangers to 'role-play' but this scene leaves little to the imagination. One thing is for sure: Elastigirl sure knows the right way to warn off any pre wedding jitters. She's in total control with her sultry witty banter punctuated by smooth hip swaying. You can't deny the girl has moves. She can literally run circles around, and under, Mr. Incredible before our very eyes leaving us a unsure of whether we are still watching two superheroes catch a villain a top a high-rise building, or some intimate pre-boudoir foreplay. Or maybe for these lovebirds the two are one in the same. Elastigirl is not shy about showing Wonder Woman up skills.

9 Chel has NO CHILL

I feel the same way about Elastigirl's flexibility as I do Chel's sexuality in The Road to Eldorado. Get it queen! Like when Tulio and and Miguel are undressing and she all but grabs a bowl of popcorn while she watches with the smugness of a sexually free angel. How she initiates a romantic and sexual relationship with Tulio while simultaneously saving him and Miguel from “painful agonizing failure,” to which I have one response: who run the world? Or when she pops up into frame after what   a child's eye would see as making out with Tulio. A a sharper adult eye, however, sees that she pops into frame a little further south of his mouth… There are so many great moments of adult humor brought to life with the help of the incredible voices of Sir Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Kline and so many gifs and memes to choose from to convince you of how inappropriate this family film is. But I've settled on the above image because I really have a soft spot for how Chel is feeling herself and am very ok with exposing children to the legitimacy and normalcy of female sexuality. But maybe that's one of the reasons why the movie was less of a smash hit.

8 Mouthing Off

No one can say the Toy Story franchise isn't for kids. Millennials grew up with Andy, Woody and the whole toy crew. So when the third installment was released there were of course kid's were watching, but there was also a whole generation of college and post-graduate aged grown-up-kids watching their best childhood friends again on the big screen. Not to say that the previous movies didn't have inappropriate references - I mean what's up with Buzz's wings that time he meets Jesse circa Toy Story 2? Phallic much? But Mr. Potato head's exclamation about how no one takes his wife's mouth but him is a reference to fellatio. Right? The big pink teddy bear villain named Lotso may have rudely knocked off Mrs. Potato's mouth because he did not care for what she was saying but you cannot deny the double entendre in Mr. Potato's response! Not to mention Barbie's appreciation of Ken's as(s)-cot.

7 Wreck-It Ralph's Potty Mouth

Wreck-It Ralph is understandably upset upon realizing that he has not been invited to the party celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of the game that he is the villain on. But damn does he have a potty mouth on him - or maybe that is the standard for arcade game villains, I'm not sure. Regardless his outburst about Pac-Man being invited to the party celebrating his game reveals that his true feelings about the popular yellow man is less PG than you'd expect. I'm not here to call anyone out on not reading between the lines on this one - maybe people that don't work at in entertainment don't have their head in the gutter - but, according to those in the know with the slang the kid's were using in 2012 or who know the inner workings of the dictionary dedicated to all things urban, a 'cherry chaser' refers to “an adult male chasing a young girl's virginity.” And as for 'dot-muncher' just think about what part of the female anatomy could be described as a dot and let your imagination fill in the rest.

6 A Gru-some Dinner Date

I think Despicable Me films are hilarious, I do, but I'm just going to go ahead and say that Gru's date with Shannon is a nightmare. It seems to be a tad awkward for Gru, especially when Shannon is threatening to tear his wig off, but honestly she leaves situation in a far more compromising position - unconscious and carried out of a restaurant and then be strapped to the roof of a car. It is worth mentioning that it is Lucy, Gru's eventual love interest, that shoots her with a tranquilizer and not Gru himself, but you know the slapstick comedy is a bit dodgy when the policeman they pass is suspect to their activity. The whole comedic bit is pretty violent and, as we are set up not to like the annoying Shannon, it sends a message about commonplace roofying that is most likely too convoluted for young minds to decode.

5 Everyone's Replaceable

A Bug's Life is an old chestnut that should be rereleased due the social relevance of its scary tyrannical villain - Hooper. Hooper, my friends, is not for kids, or maybe he serves a warning to kids. Who knows? Animated films really hammer the point home that dictators are the worst and that all you need for a coup is to unify behind an idea or one brave person, or ant, or whatever. Hooper's casual violence is befitting of a brutish bully/dictator - he threatens the ants who defy him, or don't give him their food, with instant public execution. I don't blame the ants for being terrified of being squished by Hooper's big ugly feet. The guy doesn't play. He kills one of his top-tier cabinet members/henchmen by squashing him with a helluva lot of grain to prove to the rest of his cronies how easily the ants could overthrow his regime if they organized their gargantuan numbers. Not really bedtime appropriate but a pretty serious lesson in history/current affairs.

4 Making the Beast with Two Bucks

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs introduces us to Buck - a charming badass, aptly characterized as a weasel, who was created solely for the mature audiences watching. Buck lived in the underground dinosaur world so he has a bunch of heroic tales to tell during story time, peppered with the perfect amount of inappropriate wit. He tells the adventure of escaping the jaws of the fearful Rudy, a ginormous Baryonyx, by swinging on Rudy's “gross pink fleshy thing that dangles at the back of the throat.” Buck is of course talking about the uvula, which, in case you hadn't been keeping track, had been confused with a similar sounding part of the body found in the female nether regions three years prior in Monster House, while using the momentum from his thrusting hips “back and forth and back and forth… ” which he vividly enacts until finally he shoots right out the dinosaur's mouth. If that isn't a perfect simulation for 'doing the nasty' wasn't inappropriate humor enough for you, he launches straight into a story about turning a T-Rex into a T-Rachel. Do I need to spell that one out too?

3 Throw Him a Vine

Like Shannon in Despicable Me 2, we are not meant to root for Tarzan's Clayton. Clayton is Tarzan's adversary and the villain of the film. He's an illegal gorilla hunter and a liar. He's really mean and was animated with a very large nose and an overbearing jawline so you know he is bad news. His death is too real though. There is a strong recurring 'he/she had it coming' theme in animated family movies since Disney's 1937s Snow White - or maybe it's that the original stimulus for kid's films is taken from the Brother's Grimm - but I don't know that the fact that Clayton sucks makes it A-Okay for the kids to see him die the way he did. It is Clayton's sheer egoism and superiority complex that reeks of 'The White-Man's Burden' that propels him to pursue Tarzan into the jungle, with no practice and nothing but his industrial weaponry, in an attempt to defeat the master of swinging jungle vines. So naturally we are forced to watch a horrible scene of how Clayton is murdered by his ignorance of his surroundings. Despite Tarzan's protests Clayton hacks away at the vines he is tangled up in until they cannot support his weight, and he is eventually hanged.

2 Eff Patriarchy

Ok The Hunchback of Notre Dame is not that recent but it's here to provide a little perspective about what used to fly in kid's films and would never fly nowadays. I'm not going to say whether that's a good thing and depends on how you want to shelter your own kids. Alas, I digress, this movie came out in the latter half of the 90s adapted from a book of the same name written in 1831 by Victor Hugo, and is still super relevant. The opening number of the film asks the audience to guess “who is the monster and who is the man” of the film - a disfigured child grown into a compassionate young man or a pious creep who discriminates against a marginalized group of people, and who cannot take no for an answer? Frollo is the most terrifying, and perhaps one of the most educational, villain Disney has ever made for kids. The reasons why are endless but here's a couple from the film in case you don't believe me. He is an advocate of genocide. He wants to burn Esmeralda for being spicy hot, and for debasing him so low as to feel lust for her with her witchcraft (EYEROLL). He is happy to burn Paris looking for Esmeralda and the gypsy Court of Miracles. Also see the above photo.

1 Fashion Victim

So the casual violence in family films can catch you by surprise if you aren't  expecting it, and that is why The Incredibles has landed itself on this list twice. Sh*t gets real quite a few times in the movie - like when Helen yells at her introverted teenage daughter, Violet, to use her power and put a force field around their falling plane to protect them from it's inevitable crash after insisting that she hide and never practice her powers. And honestly scenes like that is probably I think that's is why the movie is so awesome and should have had a sequel already. It also has one of Disney's more gruesome death scenes made light by the poetic justice voiced by the genius that is Brad Bird/Edna Mode. Getting your cape caught by a plane propeller when you think you are getting away with being a bad guy is a really, nasty, graphic way to go. But there's no arguing with Edna…