15 Bi People On The Differences Between Dating Men And Women

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be bisexual? Bi people tend to get a lot of flack with the BS people spout about "having your cake and eating it, too". It's rubbish, bisexual people don't choose their sexuality in the same way no one chooses their sexuality. So, what's it really like to be bi and date both men and women? Are there huge differences or surprising similarities?

We looked at Reddit to learn the experiences of bisexual men and women in terms of dating each gender. What's surprising is how broad the experiences of each person talking about dating as a bisexual are. Some people found that yes, traditionally what you would expect from a man (i.e. being less communicative and unwilling to commit) and a woman (i.e. being more sensitive and emotional) is true. Others found that their experiences didn't fit the stereotypes whatsoever. It's fascinating.

Let's just say now that these are the experiences of individuals and their opinions, which may not be true of your experiences or anyone else's. There are always exceptions and there may be some things you might relate to. Take a look and find out:

15 Other People's Reactions

Here we have an example of some of the stigma bisexual people face:

"It wasn't so much about difference between the people I was dating -- I'm willing to chalk that up to the individuals, rather than their genitalia -- but I would say that people who knew me with a boyfriend treated me differently than they did when I had a girlfriend, and vice versa. It's sort of like people would have been fine with me being straight and fine with me being a lesbian, but watching me switch from men to women and back again caused a sort of cognitive disconnect.

(I'd like to point out that I was never treated badly as a result of this. It was always just interesting to watch people do a double take when they met my new partner, especially because several of them have had gender-neutral names.)"

14 Being Clear And Honest

When it comes to knowing what your partner wants from a relationship, this man believes that men are more clear and honest; while women lie about what they're looking for. They acknowledge that what they say might be offensive. Do you agree?

"I am a man, this is just my own experience.

Men:

• If a man is just looking for sex, he'll say so. It will be true.
• If a man is looking for a relationship, he'll say so. It will be true.

Women:

• If a woman says they are looking for just sex, there is a 70% chance that is a lie.
• If a woman says they are looking for a relationship, there is a 70% chance that is a lie.

Yes, this is offensive, but this is based on my personal experience only."

13 Taking On Roles

This woman shares how, when dating a man, he expected them to fit into certain roles in the relationship:

"Hi there, bisexual woman here.

-With women, everyone will assume you're just best friends.

-Women tend to be more responsive to the subtleties in your body language during sex.

-With women, you really have to figure out your own relationship roles, since there's no male-female roles that are preassigned. It was really weird when I dated a guy after dating a girl, because he assumed I would want to fill traditional roles. After ignoring those roles completely with my girlfriend, it was weird.

-With my girlfriends, I don't feel the need to make sure my legs are 100% hairless. Because we get it, shaving every day is stupid.

-Wearing makeup for my boyfriend means highlighting my best features to look hot. Wearing makeup for my girlfriend means trying new things, because she'll notice the more subtle things and appreciate the wilder stuff."

12 Level Of Affection

This person sees a lot of similarities in dating men and women but thinks that women are more affectionate:

"Biggest difference? The affection. Girls were much more affectionate in different ways. Always wanting to hold hands, always saying I love you. Lots of little love notes and stuff.

Guys are more… hmm. Serious. At least with me, anyway. They're very clear about what they want and what they don't want. Girls haven't been that way every time.

What was the same? The lies! Both genders lie! And they're both equally good at it.

Also the gossip has been the same, if not moreso with guys. My last boyfriend loved to gossip and chat about clothes, hair, makeup, food, drink, etc. actually, every dude I've been with pretty much is like that. Then again, most guys I date are also kindof effeminate or "gender fluid" or whatever types. Not my current boyfriend, but most of my exes."

11 Easier To Find Men To Date

This woman says that her being bi is "a plus" for straight men. Let's be honest, it probably comes down to them finding it hot. Or they could just genuinely think it's cool. Hmm… probably not. Gay women, on the other hand, aren't into her being bi in her experience. It's a shame but not all lesbians feel this way; some do stigmatize bisexuality. Anyway, here's what this  particular Redditor has to say on the matter:

"This probably isn't surprising, but it's a lot easier to find men to date as a female bisexual. With straight dudes, being bi is a more or less a plus (though that also comes with it's own problems), with lesbians being bi is a pretty big minus. I haven't dated another bi person, though, hopefully they'd be more chill with it than the rest!"

10 Both Are Needy

This woman thinks we should forget the stereotypes because men can be just as needy as women:

"Female bisexual here.

The differences I see don't seem surprising to me. Like the men being more competitive than women.

Shocking similar… how needy both can be. I guess it is really just a stereotype that women are the needy ones, but men can be too! I've dated a ridiculous number of overly needy men. And I am talking about the "Tell me that you love me all the time" "text me all the time" "tell me I am attractive all the time" type of neediness.

Therapy helped me learn that neediness is usually a deeper issue that the person needs to address, whether it is insecurity, poor self-esteem, or some past trauma or abuse. Therefore either men or women can be that way, it's just women get the stereotype of being the needy ones. (She also said because I come from a toxic home and use to being in a codependent relationship, I am going to find myself dating needy people a lot because it is a type of person I am use to pleasing.)"

9 Getting A Taste Of Your Own Medicine

This man related to his past-girlfriends' experiences when he started dating men:

"Honestly I understood past girlfriends so much better once I started dating guys. I found myself getting pissed off at men for the same reasons my girlfriends had gotten angry at me - "You don't tell me what's wrong, you don't keep in touch, I have no idea what you think of me."

The type of arguing was surprisingly similar, though. I didn't really experience the "men are mean but women are cruel" a lot of people seem to. I've (male) found myself fighting way dirtier than I ever thought I would, and I've gotten honest verbal beatings from girls and months-long venom from guys. Cruelty is in the person, not the gender.

On the plus side! In my experience the men have been more openly romantic. Both genders can be very forward, though. Girls definitely seemed to enjoy getting things more, but it's possible I just haven't gotten guys as many gifts because I get nervous about what's desired or appropriate. Both genders thoroughly enjoy open emotional honesty - wish I'd learned how to do that way sooner, because it is greatly desired and rewarded XD"

8 Fear Of Commitment

This woman found that talking about the future of the relationship is easier to do with women than men. Also, she found that she didn't want to talk about the future with guys for fear of scaring them off. Take a look:

"I (female) find that being with women is a lot more secure in a way. My girlfriend and I aren't scared to talk about the future, it wasn't even an issue early on. Whereas when I've been with men in the past I daren't talk about anything even a couple weeks in the future when things are just starting out, for fear of scaring them off. Then again, that might not be a difference between genders, more that my girlfriend is the one unlike other people I've been with. Oh and also, sex and stuff."

7 The Harshest Truth

This man reckons there are a lot of similarities in dating men and women. Yet the biggest difference is how readily they are willing to accept his mega farts. He reckons guys just accept farting in general, while women will only accept the little ones. What do you think? Do you find farts gross or just natural? Have a look, this one's funny:

"Honestly, the biggest surprise was how… not different it was.

• Shark week gets replaced by Mexican night
• do I look fat with: does my ass look bubbly enough?
• "oh my god I would let Chris Hemsworth break me in half"

But besides that I'd have to go with farting. Not that cutesy farting that girls will sometimes accept. I'm talking about hardc*re gas chamber/thors handclap farting. Guys just seem to be more amenable to that."

6 Both Have Their Pros And Cons

This woman thinks women are better at some things and men are better at some things when it comes to relationships:

"I'm a female.

Women were more likely to be spontaneous and want to do things (like travel to the next town to eat at a fancy restaurant).

Women seemed also more confrontational, and I had many more arguments.

Women were more likely to be biased against my sexual orientation "I don't date Bi girls." or "You're really a lesbian or straight girl looking for attention".

Men were impressed because I had skills like cooking, cleaning, etc.

The men I've dated have seemed to be much more laid back and cool with just sitting around and playing video games. We didn't have to constantly be doing something.

The women I've dated have been much more possessive, and been more sexual.

The women have been more sympathetic to my everyday little problems, however the men have seemed more supportive of big life decisions."

5 Both Love To Talk

This person believes men like to talk as much as women, despite what is commonly thought. The difference lies in what they want to talk about:

"My experience comes as someone who is not much of a talker at all (to the point that it can frustrate people around me at times) but who is a hell of a listener. Even though the stereotype is that women are the big talkers, I've found that both genders love to talk when they feel they are really being listened to. The main difference I've found is that men love to talk about themselves and women love to talk about other people. I'm not sure one is worse/better than the other… men can pretty egotistical, but women can be quite nosy/ cruel+ critical of others. This is actually the biggest difference I've consistently observed."

4 Jealousy And Clinginess

In this woman's experience, women are more clingy in relationships while men are more jealous and more competitive by the sound of it:

"I've dated two women, and two men. The women were clingier for sure, but I might just attract clingier ladies. The guys were both more jealous than the women, nothing out of bounds, just more deliberately showy PDA if they thought someone might be into me.

When you're dating a person of the same sex, the gender roles tend to fall away. There's no implied structure of who will drive most of the time, who initiates sex, etc. Not that M+F couples have to do those things, I've just noticed that my relationships tend to look like that.

Edit: also! When telling problems, women sympathize, men try to solve. Yes, just like the Parks & Rec Episode"

3 Focus On Hooking Up

This woman feels there's more focus on hooking up when she's dating a guy:

"Lady bisexual here. In my experience, women are more creative in bed, and they spend more time on build up than the main event than men do. The girls I've been with seem very intent on making sure I'm getting off, and guys seem more focused on getting themselves off.

Also, when I would hang out with the girl I was dating, it felt like a friendship all the time even though there was a strong spark. When she talked to me, I really listened rather than just thinking about hooking up with her. When I would go on dates with guys, I'd be more focused on sex and getting to the sex. Though I only really dated one woman (hooked up with about 6), so I don't have a great scope to the two."

2 "Generally Speaking… "

This woman breaks it down for us:

"Lesbian for 15 years, Bisexual for the last year. Generally speaking:

Dating women:

• Soft kisses, soft hugs, soft everything.
• Sex is more of a leisurely stroll through a park.
• Way easier to fall in love. The intimacy is intense when you're both speaking the same emotional language.
• Oddly enough, it's harder to have that first connection because women can be really passive and not show they're interested.
• PMSx2 is just as fun as it sounds.
• More defensive, less cooperative.

Dating men:

• Hard kisses, hard hugs, hard everything.
• Sex is more of a roller coaster.
• Figuring out what a guy wants emotionally when even he doesn't want to admit/knows is nearly impossible without sabotaging the whole thing by seeming to 'needy'.
• Figuring out what a guy wants physically is wonderfully easy.
• Less defensive, more cooperative."

1 You Can't Generalize

Last but not least, this man encourages us not to make generalizations in the way we think about men and women in relationships:

"There are no real differences across gender lines (I'm male, btw). Every person I've dated, male, female, or nonbinary/genderqueer has been a unique experience. I've dated emotional women and stoic ones. I've dated sensitive men, and well, insensitive ones.

There are no real generalizations to be made from my fairly decent sample size. No tendency one way or the other for interest in or enthusiasm for sex, no predictor for sentimentality or thoughtfulness, and definitely no pattern for relationship needs and maintenance.

Sorry if this isn't a sexy answer; but most people are pretty much within a standard deviation or two of one another. Generalizations about behavior based around gender have been pretty muted in my bisexual experience.

If you can make generalizations, all it really shows is a pattern in the types of partners you pick. If you go for the same types of guys or girls repeatedly, your experiences will be more uniform. It reflects your tastes more than anything about the gender of your partners."