6 Tips for Getting a Guy to Back off from Your Girl
Irritating as it may be for some guy to try and chat up your girl, you have to stay cool and deal with the situation like a gentleman. Here's how. By Philip Hegarty
It's a fact that attractive women are considered more appealing to approach than other members of society. Most modern cultures have a particular image of the beautiful woman - one of being passive, friendly, extant rather than active, and rarely confrontational - that leads people to believe it's fine to approach a pretty girl in a friendlier and more forthcoming way than those who are deemed less attractive.
Unfortunately, for those with beautiful girlfriends, this means that the male predator will constantly take advantage of the societal situation to approach, and try his arm at seducing, the girl you might just be planning to build a life together with.
How to get other guys to leave your girl alone
Before you start cracking your knuckles and getting all worked up for a fight, there are other ways for you to get these guys to leave your girl alone. Here's what you should and shouldn't do.
#1 Don't lose your temper. A difficult one this, but unless your girlfriend is the kind of unbalanced individual who just loves to see a fight start over her, then you're in a lose-lose situation.
First, you might get soundly beaten, in which case you're going to look like the fool of the century, and she's always going to look at you in a slightly different light. No matter how she coos and fusses over you and tends to your battle wounds, she's always going to see you from this point on as the guy who tried and failed to “defend” her from a predator.
Secondly, if you win, she's going to think you're some volatile war freak. In her mind, she was having a swift harmless chat with a slightly flirty yet otherwise innocuous young chap, a situation she was infinitely capable of dealing with, when you bounded over, dragging your knuckles along the floor behind you, and proceeded to turn the whole scene into one from Planet of the Apes.
Inconsiderate and volatile behavior like this is NOT attractive and will tarnish your image in her eyes forever. The fact is, that most intelligent, emotionally sound and beautiful women are a very sensible and mature bunch, and absolutely abhor violence of any kind.
Plus, such actions might have the opposite effect and actually drive her into the arms of the 'innocent victim' to apologize for your behavior. She may make sure that he is okay before giving you the public lambasting of a lifetime. If he plays his cards right and takes the punishing you've just given him in a manly and forgiving way, then it's pretty much game over. He's played the trump card and all you have is monopoly money.
#2 Don't plant a flag. Always, always remember this: your girlfriend is not a possession. Striding over to a flirty fellow of indeterminate intentions who has your better half cornered with his conversation, throwing your arm possessively around her and exclaiming rather too loudly “She's MY woman!” isn't likely to elicit the desired effect. Women do not like to feel that they are “owned” by someone.
Do this and at best, you're going to get a few steely glances and have to endure a stern lecture once home and out of the way of prying ears and eyes. At worst, your ears will be ringing and your eyes seeing stars as she introduces you to the palm of her right hand with unprecedented and unhesitating force… And that's just before she walks off, arm in arm with the man whom she was previously uninterested in, with the words “Come on, I've had enough of that chauvinist prick.”
#3 Don't let it affect your relationship. Most of the time in a situation where your girlfriend is being approached, she'll walk away from it without a memory or thought. In all probability, the situation won't enter her thoughts again, that is of course, unless you remind her.
Dwell on it for too long and you might suddenly blurt it out in the middle of an argument. If it doesn't mean anything to her, then it shouldn't mean anything to you. And if you use it against her several weeks down the line in a fit of petulance, it will look juvenile and unmanly, as it reeks of insecurity. As you may already know, insecurity is not something you want lurking within your relationship. It will probably also make her feel like you are blaming her for that other guy's actions, and that's not nice.
#4 Do talk to her about it. Look, if the whole being chatted up thing is happening a little too often and you're feeling a little marginalized, then get it out in the open. She might not even realize how frequently it's happening, and she may not know how much it's affecting you.
The most important thing to remember, however, is that you approach this conversation in a mature and non-confrontational manner. Explain that you're not extending any blame in her direction, perhaps making the point that she's perhaps too nice, always seeing the best in others, and maybe not identifying the obviously predatory nature of the men who approach her. Approach the conversation in this way and she should be fine about the whole thing.
#5 Do employ the services of a third party. Although not the ideal solution in a trusting and stable relationship, if things are a little rocky, and you're desperate to keep the predators at bay, then employ the services of a friend. Get him to dive in and introduce himself to the conversation, while also casually mentioning that she has a boyfriend.
Wind him up, send him in, and then watch the contest slowly sidle off to look for the next potential victim. You could even, in the right circumstances, send in one of her friends. She can talk about something that no guy would ever be interested in, such as makeup, spa treatments or a friend who happens to be a backstabbing bitch. When the guy catches wind of how there's no way he can squeeze into a conversation between two girls, he'll back off on his own.
#6 Do nothing. All in all, the best thing you can do is nothing. Confidence in a man is one of his most attractive points, as far as a woman is concerned. Trust is also something that all relationships need to exercise. If you can just trust her enough to leave her to the conversation at hand, allowing her to enjoy the brief boost to her confidence that most women enjoy when being chatted up, be confident that she'll return to you without having to force the issue.
When she returns, extend a lightly ironic smile in her direction, put your arm around her with a firm and loving squeeze, and bring her into the conversation at hand, and she'll remember exactly why she's with you and not that vacuous simpleton who accosted her at the bar.
It's every guy's fear that some random punk will swoop right in and whisk their girlfriends away. But if you approach the situation calmly and diplomatically, you'll see that those guys who were so eager to chat up your girl will start dropping like flies.
