15 Foolproof Ways To Get Over An Ex
Breakups can be liberating in a certain sense, but they can also be really rough. Especially if you're the one who got dumped and you didn't want the thing to end. At all. Well, we don't always get we want and sometimes we just can't have those guys back, which means that moving on is the only move on the table, and it's a very crucial one at that. Generally, time will heal wounds to some extent but that can literally take years if you're not making a conscious effort to get over the pain and release your ex-boyfriend back into the world. You definitely don't want to get caught up tripping over someone for years if they aren't coming back to catch you. Truly moving on can take some serious intention and effort on your part but it's also very possible and tends to happen again and again. Here are 15 foolproof ways to get over an ex.
15 Fall For Someone New
Easier said than done, right?! You should still be out there making an effort with new people no matter how much you've been daydreaming that your ex will come back around and grovel at your feet. Why wouldn't you? You'd rather watch him move on and start posting happy couple photos on Instagram while you're still crying in bed? There's absolutely no way to know when you'll meet someone legit again and you obviously don't want to force relationships simply to move on, but if you start dating again eventually you will find someone to replace him. Guaranteed. It's just a probability thing. If you're open to finding something good after a certain amount of people have passed through your life, there will eventually be someone good again. But you usually have to get there and try. Don't pretend he was the one if he's not around now. There might have been great potential, but accepting that it didn't work will give you the freedom to find something that does.
14 Get Busy With A New Hobby
You don't have to start dating again if you're not ready. You can also take up a new hobby and get super busy with it and start filling your life in new ways. Every time we go through anything, it has the capacity to change us in good ways, but that also means that we have to be open to this happening. When you're super raw after a breakup, it can feel like something is missing that needs to be built back up again. Make sure you fill that hole with good stuff, and preferably stuff that doesn't risk the chance of leaving you. The more you create a full life for yourself whether or not there's a guy around, the less gets taken away from you if a relationship doesn't work out. You are you regardless of who is around, and the more you're happy doing you, the better everything else will work out as well. When you immerse yourself in something that feeds your soul you're going to heal faster no matter what, and you'll probably like this new updated version of yourself even better.
13 Realize That He Doesn't Deserve You
Anyone who doesn't want to be with you doesn't deserve you. It's not the easiest concept to deal with in the moment but it's absolutely true. There will always be new people that come into your life as hard as it can be to imagine at the time. Anyone who goes through a breakup is going to spend a little time thinking about what went wrong and why. That's how you learn from the experience so there's nothing wrong with that. But too much of it can just send you spiraling in circles and in some cases beating yourself up over the failure. But that doesn't help. Nothing that you learn from is a failure even if it leaves you single and sad. (For now, that is.) When you break it down, no matter why the breakup occurred if he doesn't want to be with you then he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be with someone who not only wants to be with you but will go out of their way to make it known to you and to everyone else. You deserve more than confusion.
12 Step Up Your Workouts
After a breakup is totally the perfect time to start stepping up your workouts. There's this whole revenge body concept which is good motivation if you need that. But you can just think about working on habits that are going to make you as happy and healthy as possible. Exercise releases endorphins and other feel good hormones that can literally boost your mood in the moment and in the long run. Those breakup blues just don't stand a chance when you're keeping that body moving. Adding to that, some workouts like yoga can introduce a whole new sense of mindfulness that can help you see yourself and your relationship status in a whole new way. Maybe you'll find an entirely new strength in a group fitness class that you didn't know that you had. Maybe you'll meet some new friends that will change your life. There's not really anything but positive side effects from working out.
11 Get A Dog
If you don't already have a pet, getting a cuddly one following a breakup can be a great way to help you deal. For one thing, the new sense of responsibility can be a good thing to help you keep your perspective. You can't mope for too long when your dog needs to go out and take a walk. You mean something. For another thing, we all know that dogs love their owners totally selflessly, and that can be like heartbreakingly sweet in a good way when you feel like the love is lacking a bit in the people department. It's not that the love of an animal will replace the human type of love, but it can supplement it in a way that makes you feel whole while you're getting over the rest of the stuff. Plus people say that dog parks are an awesome place to meet new people, so you never know what kind of adventures you'll embark on after committing to your own dog.
10 Vent
For a period of time, it's probably healthy to vent. Talk to a trusted friend or write it down if you feel like your emotions are a bit overwhelming for happy hour. You can even write a letter to the guy (that you won't be sending) to get all those thoughts and feelings out that you didn't have the chance to do before. Say exactly what you feel so that you know what you feel, even if he'll never know. Some breakups don't allow us to fully communicate our thoughts which is why we have to take it into our own hands. It's not a good idea to sit and stew about stuff or squash feelings, but when you vent in a healthy way it can give you the chance to let out those thoughts even if the manner you do so is a bit ferocious. Sometimes we just need to feel mad to get through the anger and then we can move onto the next emotion.
9 Write Down Everything You Want In A New Guy
Now that you have ended one relationship, that is a pretty good time to figure out what you want from the next one. You might as well get specific about it. When you are in a relationship it might feel wrong to think about all of the things that you would prefer to be different but when you are between relationships that's pretty much exactly what you should be doing. There's no harm in writing down exactly what you would want from someone, whether that comes down to personality, how you want to be treated, or how hot they are. It doesn't mean you should limit yourself to that list, but sometimes just having the awareness of the type of guy that you'd really like can help take you towards it. They say "ask and you shall receive" don't they? Someone says that I'm sure of it. See if they mean it.
8 Join A Group
This is the same thing as finding a new hobby or taking a class of some sort, but there are also lots of groups out there that meet for other reasons. Think hiking groups, book clubs, or even networking events. Spending time with a new group of people is not going to replace the relationship that you had, but it can definitely help you to form new types of relationships and contacts that will support you in other ways. Even just the casual conversations here and there can change your way of thinking whether or not you are actually connecting with people who will become real friends. You can never really go wrong when it comes to meeting new people in life as long as you are generally nice. Sometimes spending time with new types of people can help refine what you want out of all of your relationships.
7 Pamper The Crap Out Of Yourself
The body responds to emotional pain similarly to physical pain, so it's not in your imagination -- you really are exhausted and drained and don't feel like you can properly move when you're super sad. Anything you can do to offset the hurt is going to help, and realistically, you're the only one who can treat yourself when you're in that place. Getting a massage or something is awesome but you can also pamper yourself on a budget right from your home. Put on some music, take a bath, do some reflexology on your feet, use a new body oil, and just slow down in general. Your chill time is what you make of it. Sometimes when we're bummed out, it takes all the effort in the world to even take a shower at all, but it's definitely worth it to go above and beyond. Self-care is one of the most powerful ways we have to sooth our souls from the outside in.
6 Take A Trip
Sometimes getting a change of scenery for a split second is enough to remind you that life goes on after a breakup. Picking up and taking a trip around the world is one option, but even just taking a day trip to a nearby town or city can help you a lot. We respond so heavily to the stimuli in our surroundings, and if everything in your home and town reminds you of your ex-boyfriend, it's hard to know if that will ever stop. It will stop, but sometimes you have to encourage it to do so. Go somewhere for a few hours or a few days and see different people and things. Remember that the world is an insanely large place and there are endless things to see and do out in it. When you shift your perspective on life even slightly it will also shift things when you return back to your home space even if it still reminds you of him. Eventually it won't. You can remember people and still become ready to move on.
5 Don't Stalk His Social Media
It's extremely tempting to keep checking up on an ex on social media after you two go your separate ways. You're dying to know if he's happy and if he's moved on to another girl. But really, that's the last thing that you should be doing right now. You should actually be avoiding looking at his social media as much as possible. Don't even think about it. You know that if you actually find anything interesting when you're lurking, you're just going to feel worse. So why are you torturing yourself? You wouldn't be looking if you really thought he was as bummed out as you. Don't get caught up in this. It's not a game and it's not a good idea. Don't try to post stuff in hopes that he'll see it, either. Stick to your normal social media routine and try to forget that he's even on there. And you might not want to continue to be Facebook friends with him or even still follow his Twitter and Instagram accounts.
4 Move Your Furniture Around
In addition to taking a trip to get a change of perspective, moving your furniture around can help, too. Technically you'll be in the same space, but moving a few things around can really open things up in a different way. You know that feeling when you finish a deep apartment clean and suddenly it feels like your life is starting fresh? Or at least your week? That's what you want to accomplish here as well. Whatever it is that will make you feel a little lighter and offer you a little more freedom to move is going to be beneficial towards getting some new perspective on your life. You can also take this time to clean out your closet, vacuum the inside of your car, or get a new carpet. It's all the same idea. Try turning your bed in a different direction and you'll pretty much be guaranteed to feel like you're in a whole new bedroom.
3 Be Grateful For What You Got From The Relationship
When you're in the midst of a breakup or you're getting over someone, it can be really hard to remember what was so great about both the guy and the relationship. But one of the best ways to get through anything rough is to try and find the good stuff about it. There had to have been some positive things about the relationship and you wouldn't be the same person that you are now if you had never been with this person. Maybe he showed you what true love is so that now your standards have been raised to an entirely new place. Maybe he set you on your current career path by supporting your interests and dreams. Maybe he introduced you to some people that you'll be friends with forever. Maybe he just showed you precisely what you don't want to experience in the next relationship. That's good too because now you know. Try to forget about the bad stuff and zero in on the positive aspects.
2 Don't Push Yourself
If you're being hard on yourself about getting over this guy in a hurry, you might want to stop. You're trying to heal and you're just going to make things harder on yourself. Be patient with your process and don't push yourself to make any big decisions or to be totally fine overnight. It doesn't matter how long it takes or what it looks like as long as it's what truly works for you. Listen to other people's advice and insights only when you agree with what they're saying and it seems like their advice is pretty good for you. Ignore what isn't. Take it one day at a time and don't place unnatural time frames on when a new person should come along or judge yourself if your ex-boyfriend moves on first. Cry if you need to. Go out and dance all night if that feels more right. Try to forget about what you think should be and focus on what is instead.
1 Do Something He Wouldn't Do
Did you feel like your relationship was holding you back in any way? Maybe your boyfriend didn't like when you dressed a certain way or he refused to eat sushi. Maybe you were willing to make certain concessions or meet him in the middle during the relationship. Now that it's over, there's no better way to assert your independence than to do something that you wouldn't have done when you were with him. As long as this thing is actually good for you, that is. We're not suggesting you go buck wild on any front. Even if it's something like being able to relax and binge watch a show he hates or something, that still totally counts. Watch it and enjoy it and be thankful that you have the time to spend quality time with yourself. Eventually, someone else will come along and maybe they'll even be the type that's willing to watch that show with you.