You Kissed Your Ex? - The Complete Damage Control Guide
Though you can't go back in time and un-kiss your ex, you can still do a bit of damage control to keep the incident from haunting you. By Danielle Anne Suleik
You thought it was just a harmless get-together where you would reminisce about the old times and show your ex how much better you are now. But then you ended up in a lip-lock without realizing how it even started. It happened. Now, you have to deal with it.
Why did it happen?
No matter who started it, the point is that you both allowed it to happen. The fact that you and your ex kissed means that there are still lingering feelings between the two of you. It's not necessarily love, but it does prove that you two are still attracted to each other.
When two people who break up reconcile in any form - be it with a date, a kiss or even sex - it rekindles something between the two of you. It's not necessarily something good. More often than not, reconciling with an ex can lead to consequences.
Why it's a bad idea…
If you think that kissing your ex was a bad idea, ask yourself why that is. Some see it as a sign of hope and wish for it to pave the way for something new between past lovers. If you don't see it that way, it could be because you don't want to start over with someone you've already dated and gotten over.
#1 They're just in it for the hook-up. You're easily accessible because your ex thinks your history makes it okay for them to try something with you. It doesn't mean that they want to rehash old memories and feelings. They just didn't want to bother with someone new.
#2 Old issues will resurface. You and your ex broke up for a reason. If that reason has never been resolved, kissing your ex might make these issues bubble up to the surface again.
#3 They might want to get back together even if you don't. Kissing is an intimate act that can trigger the basest of feelings like lust. In many circumstances, it can also trigger feelings of love and affection. If you have no intention of getting back together, kissing might give your ex the wrong idea.
#4 You could fall for your ex again. If you made a conscientious effort to move on only to have it ruined by this sudden tryst, you could be in big trouble. If you haven't moved past your feelings for your ex, kissing them could rekindle those feelings and render your efforts for closure fruitless.
#5 They might already be in a relationship. If you kissed your ex knowing that they're seeing someone else, you have just crossed into dangerous territory. Not only did you put yourself in a situation where you'll end up as the third party, but you have voluntarily acted in a way that could hurt someone else.
#6 You might be in a relationship. Kissing your ex seems like a small mistake, but the person you're seeing won't see it that way. No matter how much history you have, cheating is always inexcusable.
#7 The unknown. Kissing your ex could mean so many things, but not knowing what these are could disrupt your peaceful life in the process. You might end up thinking too much about it and inadvertently cause unnecessary stress in your life. It could be a good sign, but it could also be a bad sign. In the end, you'll need to confront your ex about it - which is something I doubt you'd be excited about.
What can you do about it?
If kissing your ex is such a big issue for you, you can decide how you can handle it. You can confront the situation in order to get some closure, or you can put it in the past once more and move on.
#1 Think about how and why it happened. Ask yourself what you want, now that it's over. Do you want to get back together? Do you want to leave it alone? It's up to you. Just make sure that the decision you make is one that will ultimately make you happy.
#2 Talk to your ex. Discuss what happened and ask them what they want to do about it. The choice is not just yours - it's theirs too. No matter how they choose to handle the situation, stand your ground and explain your side so that there won't be any misunderstandings.
#3 Dissuade them from getting back together, if they insist. Be gentle with your rejection and make them see why it's the better choice. They are obviously entertaining old feelings for you, which makes it harder to reject them knowing that they want to have you back in their life.
#4 Realize that the kiss may not necessarily mean they want you back. They chose to do it, but they are also choosing not to pursue your relationship anymore. Rein your feelings in and deal with the heartbreak. Just remember that you managed to move forward before the kiss, which means you can do it again.
#5 If your partner or your ex's partner finds out, try to minimize the damage as much as possible. Deal with your partner on your own and try not to involve your ex. If their partner confronts you, try to avoid personal contact at all costs. You can leave a message if you want, but that will hardly count as a deterrent to the rage you invoked. Cheating is wrong, which means you need to face the consequences and deal with the aftermath.
#6 Don't make a big deal out of it. If you think it was a mistake, treat it like one. Learn from it. Move on, and don't do it again. It's that simple. It might be difficult to forget that it happened, but it will eventually become nothing more than a distant memory.
How can you keep it from happening again?
Kissing your ex was probably something that you wanted to do. But in retrospect, you may have some regrets about what happened. Your ex might want to do it again, though. So, here's how you can prevent it from happening again.
#1 Delete your ex's number. If you have it memorized, think about how wrong it is for you to type it in your phone every time you think you want to call or text them.
#2 Delete them from your social media accounts. Block them if you must. Just erase any evidence of them in your life for now. Until this blows over, you can't control what may happen if you see an adorable picture of the ex smiling at you from the tiny screen on your phone.
#3 If you must talk about what happened, do it once and never again. Deal with what you need to, but don't linger on the subject. Consider your last conversation with your ex as the closure that you need.
#4 Don't dwell on the kiss. It's no surprise that it will pop up in your head over time, but you have to block it out whenever it does happen. Thinking about the kiss, especially if it was a really good kiss, will only make you want to do it again.
#5 Avoid any events that your ex will attend. That's what your friends are for. They can tell you if your ex is in the area. If that's true, you need to leave if they don't. This is just a temporary fix. You can start attending parties with your ex once you're sure that you won't end up kissing them ever again.
#6 Date someone else. Don't allow that kiss to stop you from seeing other people. You're not on the rebound because you and your ex are not in a relationship anymore. You're free to see other people and it will help convince you that the kiss you shared with your ex is nothing more than a parting gift.
Kissing your ex matters only if you want it to. You're both adults. You can do whatever you want. Just make sure that you're aware of the consequences and that you are duly prepared to face them.
It's helpful to know the reasons why you kissed your ex in the first place, but this article will remind you why it's a bad idea. If you feel good about the situation, embrace it. If you think that it was just a one-time thing and shouldn't be repeated, follow these tips on how you can prevent it from happening again.