The Crucial Guide to Surviving the Hook-Up Culture
The hook-up culture is a pain in the ass of those who are looking for serious relationships. If that's you, here's your ultimate survival guide! By Colleen Anne Javellana
Dating has become even more complicated these days. With the birth of dating websites and dating apps like Tinder, more and more people are hooking up than actually going on “real dates.” If you're looking for something more casual, perhaps hooking up can work to your advantage.
Hooking up vs. Dating
What is “hooking up”? This seems to be the norm in today's society. In fact, it has made dating sound so archaic, and at times, downright pointless. Hooking up usually means getting into a sort of relationship where there is no actual commitment between the both of you.
People who “hook up” get into sexual relationships without any form of emotional attachment. Of course, when one does hook up with someone, you're pretty much all set. Do not expect to be part of your partner's everyday activities, besides the occasional romp between the sheets. You won't be introduced to your hook up's friends or family. After all, this is a mutual agreement that you have both agreed on.
Most hook-ups would rather use texting or other messaging apps as the constant form of communication. Why? Because it is cost-effective and super convenient. Plus, it also gives rise to the occasional “booty call.” With dating, people would give you phone calls now and then. You want to hear their voice on the other end of the line. You would want to know how their day went. And you would want to hear their laugh once again.
The hook-up culture can be rather confusing, because you are only allowed to see your hook-up on specified intervals. This could be once a month, or perhaps every other month. Again, it would all depend on your mutual agreement. After all, hooking up gives you time to see other people in between. Those who choose to enter these waters must be ready for turbulent waves that need to be crossed.
Why is hooking up not for everyone?
Many people enter hook-ups without really knowing what they are getting themselves into. It's like diving into unfamiliar waters, where your only hope for survival is to sink or swim. Most people cannot stand the pressure. And some would suddenly fall in love with the one they are hooking up with.
You need to remember that as far as relationships go, it should be a two-way street. The emotional burden of being the only one making the relationship work is just too exhausting. In fact, this is the very reason why many hook-ups never work. Someone is bound to get hurt just a few months into the no-strings attached relationship. And what started out as a good idea might turn into an emotional and psychological nightmare for many.
How to survive today's hook-up culture
For those of you who aren't sure how you can make it through this generational dating phase, here's our guide for what you can do to avoid getting your heart broken by someone who's just looking to hook up.
#1 Know what you are getting yourself into. As the great military strategist, Sun Tzu once said, “If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles. If you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one. If you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.” To enter into battle unprepared is foolish. To dive into unfamiliar waters is suicide.
Entering the hook-up culture emotionally unprepared is considered social suicide. You must remember that when you enter a hook-up, you are there for the casual sort of relationship it brings, nothing more. Do not expect any commitments or emotional attachments, as hooking up is a “no strings attached” sort of thing.
#2 Know when to take charge. If you have decided that the hook-up culture would work for you, then by all means, go for it. When you see someone you like, make the first move. When it comes to the hook-up culture, it all comes down to making your intentions clear. If that person rejects you, move on to the next. After all, there are no emotional attachments whatsoever anyway.
#3 Be honest and open about it. Once you are in the relationship, remember that honesty is crucial even when it comes to hooking up. Your partner is no mind-reader, so be clear about what you want. If possible, set all your ground rules on paper. If you plan on being exclusive, make sure to make this clear to your partner to avoid any future conflicts.
#4 Be responsible. Casual hook-ups are mainly all about the sexual relations. Since most hook-ups tend to be a non-exclusive sort of thing, it is always advised to practice safe sex. STDs and unwanted pregnancies are still very real things, and one does not want something as burdensome as that, especially in a casual no-strings attached sort of relationship. Taking responsibility is always the mature thing to do and should always be put into practice.
#5 Learn to not take things personally. Let's face it, hook-ups have an expiration date. Sometimes, people just can't take the pressure or one of you suddenly wants something more serious with someone else. Whatever the reason, you will find that your partner will disappear from your life just as quickly as they have arrived.
When this happens, it is best to not take it all personally. People will leave eventually. It's inevitable. Do not mope around or feel bad about yourself. Don't stalk their social media accounts, and do not drunk text them. The hook-up culture requires some form of emotional detachment that comes in handy when your partner suddenly bails.
#6 Have a sense of humor. Hook-ups are meant to be fun and lighthearted. You don't have to keep things all serious and straight-laced when you are together. Sometimes, the best way to keep a person interested is to have a sense of humor about your entire arrangement. Keep it light and fun, especially in bed.
#7 Learn when to leave. There are times when the hook-up will just leave you hanging. Sometimes, the answer is indefinite. When you feel that this relationship is not worth your time, you have every right to leave. If you feel that this is doing you more harm than good, it is best to walk away than to keep torturing yourself.
Remember, hook-ups are supposed to be a lighthearted way of getting into a non-committal sort of relationship, but if you feel more emotionally burdened, learn to accept that this sort of thing is not for you. Make sure you exit with dignity.
#8 Look at the positive side of things. The world is an endless sea full of assholes and jerks, and in one way or another you will get hurt. You might find yourself developing feelings for the one you are hooking up with, and he or she might not feel the same way about you.
Despite all this, remember that your happiness matters. Be positive, and try to see each relationship, failed or otherwise, as a rich source of life lessons. After all, it does take a bad relationship to make you appreciate all the good ones that come into your life.
Hooking up has become so prevalent nowadays that it makes dating seem like a myth. Social media coverage has come so far as to make reality shows that would glorify it altogether. But while hooking up is not evil by any sense of the word, it is clearly not for everyone, and you need to remember that.
Know yourself before getting into a hook up. If you prefer committed relationships, it's best to avoid entering the complicated world of hook-ups. After all, many have tried and failed, and it's definitely not an easy road to tread on.
