How to Handle Your Drunk Girlfriend on a Night Out
When your girlfriend has had one drink too many, chaos may ensue. To make sure you both get home safely and in one piece, follow our tips!
Drinking, when done responsibly, can be a fun way to relieve stress. Most people can hold their liquor, but some get knocked out after a couple of tequila shots. The designated driver is usually the one assigned to clean up the group's mess, but what happens when you're the DD and your girlfriend's the passenger? A whole lot of crazy - that's what.
What are the usual things that you can expect from girls who do not know how to hold their liquor?
Inebriation can get the best of some people. Many tend to function less, while some are so hyped up that they start feeling like superheroes. When a girl gets drunk, so many things can happen.
Inhibition gets thrown out the window. Objects appear farther than they seem. High heels have as much function as a bamboo pole carried by an elephant on a tight wire. Lipstick starts becoming mascara. An innocuous plant becomes the life of the party. People seem overly friendly, even though they're not and the biggest repercussion of them all: conscience and common sense get thrown out the window.
Be alert, keep her safe and keep the crazies away
As a responsible boyfriend, your number one duty is to not get as drunk as your girlfriend. By engaging in a relationship with a woman, you have ultimately appointed yourself as the de facto knight-in-shining-armor.
Your top priorities as a drunk girlfriend's boyfriend:
You can leave your buddies to do their thing when the party gets loud and crazy. But when you're dating someone who looks to you to take care of her, here are the things you should be ensure:
#1 She does not succumb to alcohol poisoning.
#2 She still has all of her clothes by the end of the night.
#3 She is well away from fellow drunks, for fear of harassment and catfights.
#4 She gets home safe.
#5 She does not drive, and lastly,
#6 Her friends are as safe as she is.
It seems like a lot of effort, but a good man will always do the right thing by his woman. That means picking her up when she's literally down.
Drunken scenarios and what to do with them
Alcohol can make the illogical, the impossible and the mind-bendingly bizarre happen. So keep your eyes open for these scenarios.
#1 Scenario: Girls who are drunk love to dance. This means that everyone in their line of sight and peripheral vision is a dance partner. Not only is this a medical hazard, due mostly to high heels and holding bottles and glasses in their hands, it also makes it easy for sleazy men to come up to her and take advantage.
What to do: If you are a good dancer, you can use this to your advantage to entice your girlfriend to keep dancing with the resident Usher in the building. Show her that you can party as hard as she can, without needing a bottle of Jack. If you were born with two left feet, make a lot of random movements instead. She will hardly notice the difference. This way, she can enjoy herself and you can protect her from horny bystanders.
#2 Scenario: Happy drunks rarely get into altercations, but if your girlfriend's having a bad day, watch out. A little bump here or there can turn into a full-blown catfight. Watch out for aggressive women as well. Just because your girlfriend won't start a fight does not mean that other women won't.
What to do: Make sure that she's distracted by cheering her up with funny drunk stories. Ask her to dance. If she's not in the mood, hover over her to keep her from getting into fights. You can also start practicing your “I'm sorry, my girlfriend's really drunk” face.
#3 Scenario: She has to go to the bathroom. That is one area where your powers cannot help you. Most bars have a strict rule about men going in women's restrooms and vice versa. Just because it happens in the movies, does not mean that it can easily be done in real life. The restroom is a sacred place where women go to touch up their makeup, gossip, make pee-pee or in the case of your girlfriend, worship the porcelain god.
What to do: If she just needs to pee, that's fine. If she can't stand up, you will need to ask an attendant to allow you to help her inside. If it's not possible to get in the women's restroom, ask the attendant or an employee to help her. If none of the options seem doable, your best bet in a situation like this is to get her home.
#4 Scenario: She may wander off. Drunk people tend to wander off when they need to go to the bathroom, if they see someone they think they know or if they're just bored. So many things are going through their mind - very slowly - but you never know when they'll do something while you're not looking.
What to do: When your girlfriend starts getting tipsy, try not to leave her alone. Don't leave her with fellow drunk people. If you need to go to the bathroom, ask a sober friend to watch her.
#5 Scenario: When they need to throw up, girls will head for the bathroom or find the nearest receptacle, i.e. their bag, an ice bucket, a shoe. Too much alcohol usually leads to this, and it is your job to either prevent it or do damage control once it happens.
What to do: If she's lucid enough to know that she might throw up, rush her to the bathroom. Clear a path by telling people that she's about to throw up. That usually gets people moving. If she can't make it, go for the ice bucket and not her purse.
If she threw up on the floor, grab some napkins, clean her up, and ask a waiter to call someone to clean the mess up. Although this last option can lead to a humiliating exit from the bar, you can rest knowing that she's not sick anymore. You can remind her of this once she's completely sober.
#6 Scenario: Alcohol opens the floodgates for truth bombs. Your tipsy girlfriend could irrationally see this as an opportunity to pick a fight. Keep in mind that she is at a disadvantage, because she has no control over what she is doing or saying.
What to do: It is your job to calm her down enough so that you can get her home. No matter what she says, keep your reactions to yourself until she is in a safe environment and sober enough to converse rationally. Again, this is where your “I'm sorry my girlfriend is drunk” face will come in handy, especially if she's being particularly blunt with other people.
#7 Scenario: The drunk calls and texts will possibly arrive by the dozen. Knowing that she's drunk does not excuse you from not replying. When you don't answer, it could agitate her more.
What to do: Before anything else, make sure that she's safe. Ask her where she is and who she's with. Drunk people can answer simple questions like those. If you think that she's unsafe, pick her up and take her home.
Once you're assured that she's not in any danger while she's drunk, keep her calm by replying. If you think that conversing with her while she's wasted is not a good idea, make a non-negotiable excuse about why you can't talk to her.
#8 Scenario: You finally get her home and she wants to sleep together. Alcohol takes away your inhibitions and allows you to initiate activities that you would rarely agree to when sober. Sex is one of those.
What to do: Barring the nasty smell of alcohol mixed with vomit, it does not seem like a good idea to sleep with someone as drunk as she is. Sex is an amazing experience that should be remembered by both parties. If you just started dating and haven't done it yet, then it is a big no-no. Girlfriend or not, you should never take advantage of a girl who is drunk.
#9 Scenario: The morning after is a delicate situation that must be approached with caution. Your girlfriend is probably nursing a major hangover and is still in the throes of regret.
What to do: Do not scold her about what she did last night. Wait until she's fine before you point out the negative aspects of the situation. Try not to use a loud voice or make any sudden and audible movements. Her head is probably pounding enough as it is.
Make her breakfast, give her some juice and some medicine for her headache. Don't worry about feeling like you're losing out on the early morning affection, because when the time comes, you know she'll do the same for you.
To avoid certain scenarios above, make sure that you know how much liquor you and your girlfriend can handle. Keeping your mind clear is the key to safety and fun when you're indulging on a night out with drinks in your hands.
