Overprotective Parents 13 Mature Ways to Get Them to Back Off
Can't stay out past eleven? Have your overprotective parents sitting behind you at the movies? Are you over the age of eighteen? That's rough, man.
Most of us have parents that, in some moments, are overprotective. You know what, they're your parents, so it's in them to want to protect you and make sure you're safe. But when do those overprotective parents cross the line and become too much?
If you're sixteen and your parents want you home by eleven, well, that isn't being overprotective, that's being smart. But if at thirty, your parents want to try to keep you home or make you call them whenever you leave the house, well, that's a little much, no?
Overprotective parents and what to do with them
You've probably lost your shit a thousand times, went crazy with all their rules, but there's a better way to deal with your overprotective parents than to argue with them. Of course, becoming angry is only human, so if you get angry, it's understandable.
But, why not make this experience better for all of you? Here are the 13 ways to deal with your overprotective parents. Selective hearing only works for so long.
#1 Overprotectiveness doesn't mean they're evil. Your parents aren't evil, they're just scared shitless of something happening to you. Letting your child go into the world is scary.
There's the chance of something happening to you and no parent wants to think about that. So, they keep you in a bubble. Not because they're evil, but they're scared.
#2 Don't get angry. I know you probably want to blow up in a rage, yell, and tell them everything that's on your mind. But does that really help? I mean, sure, you vented all your frustrations out but that doesn't change your overprotective parents.
You didn't talk to them about boundaries or what you need. You just yelled.
#3 Sit them down and have a talk about it. This is really the best way to show them your maturity as a young adult. If you want them to back off, show them you're serious and that you're approaching this situation as a grown adult.
Sit them down, talk about how you're feeling, and listen to what they have to say. You may actually be able to come to an understanding just with that one conversation.
#4 What do you want? You need to know what you want. What is it about their rules and behavior that you don't need? Do you want to be able to walk home from school alone? Tell them. Do you want to be able to go out on a Friday night with your friends? Tell them.
Make sure you know exactly what your needs are because they're going to expect to hear them.
#5 Talk about your feelings. Though this is about them, it's really about you. It's how they affect your feelings and your life. So, narrow in on that. Talk about how this makes you feel. Use the sentence “I feel… ” in order to show them how their behavior actually affects you.
Blaming them for their behavior isn't going to help you, it's going to start an argument. So, if your parents call you ten times a day, say, “I feel stressed when you call me so many times during the day. I feel like you don't trust me.” This helps them understand how their actions emotionally impact you.
#6 You'll have to compromise. Now, if you think your parents are going to give you everything you want, you're wrong. Maybe what you want is simply too much. So, be ready to compromise.
Don't make your needs the extreme opposite or else they may not be able to handle it. A better idea is to make small changes and have them slowly adapt to those before increasing the boundaries.
#7 Understand their point of view. If you don't understand where they're coming from, this isn't going to work. If you want to compromise, you're going to have to be mature and put yourself in their shoes. Having no curfew at eighteen-years-old probably isn't going to happen, they want to be able to sleep with peace of mind at night. So, think about them as well.
#8 Prove to them that freedom is healthy. If you want them to see that being less protective is good for you, show them the positive effects. If they give you freedom but you crash their car while driving drunk, well, I can't say I'm shocked that they're overprotective parents. You must show them that you are responsible and trustworthy, that way, they'll be more relaxed.
#9 Be open for advice. Parents are going to give advice. My parents give me advice. Sometimes I ask for it and sometimes I don't. But that's the thing, that's what parents do. It's not to annoy you, they love you so they want to help you make the right choices.
Now, you don't have to take their advice, but you should listen to it. This is extremely mature and by you listening to them, they feel that they contribute positively to your life.
#10 Establish the boundaries with them. Even though they give you advice, you still need to establish boundaries. This means you need to tell them what is okay and what is not okay. How else will they know calling you every twenty minutes when you're on a date is a bad thing?
So, when you sit down with them, try to show them where the line is. But trust me, you'll have to continue to show them where the line is. You're teaching them.
#11 It's okay to take a break from each other. If you need a day, two days, or a week on your own, take that time. Tell them you need time apart or slowly decrease the amount of communication you have with them. Instead of talking to them twice a day, talk to them once a day. Limit the contact slowly, so that it doesn't come as a shock to them.
#12 Fight negativity with positivity. Sometimes, overprotective parents react negatively towards you trying to establish boundaries. Makes sense though, they don't want you to be fully independent. It scares them.
If you find them dramatizing everything you do, stand your ground and not fold when they expect you to. Eventually, they'll stop doing this because you're not reacting how they want you to.
#13 Be patient. You think it's easy to watch your own children grow up and not need you anymore? Of course, it's not. I don't even have children, but when I watch my dog not need to be carried up the stairs anymore, it pulls at my heartstrings. So, imagine what it's like with a child.
Cut them a little slack if you hope for them to get used to this new routine quickly. It's going to take time, so be patient.
Now that you know how to handle overprotective parents, try using some of these tips with yours. You'll have to ease them slowly into it, but once you do, it'll be better for both you and them.
