What I Learned When You Broke My Heart
Though a broken heart may not be the best situation, it does have its merits when one considers the lessons each shattered piece can teach. By Colleen Anne Javellana
You broke my heart. Maybe I was too proud to tell you that you did, or you didn't care at all. The point was that you did. And you left me, wounded and scarred.
There is always a certain beauty to heartbreak. Whenever one feels the pain of a broken heart, one feels vulnerable. One feels what it is like to be beautifully broken. I think everyone has had their share of heartbreak, and I thank God for those souls. In them, I find solidarity. Thankfully, I am not alone in this journey.
Heartbreak is something nearly everyone is familiar with. The sorrow one feels does not discriminate age, sex or race. It sees no value in one's socioeconomic standing. Heartbreak will touch each person at least once in this lifetime. The pain one feels is all too real. In this imperfect world, everyone counts their scars.
Forever is a dangerous word
It seems so strange to think about the past. Many words were said back then. Being one to always have a play on words, I loved the word “forever.” I remember that forever used to be so easy to say back then, how difficult and bitter those words are now. We had forgotten the restrictions of time, human as we are.
I realize now, how foolish the word seems. My heart was yours back then, and your heart was mine. To say forever seemed easier to say. I realize now that we shouldn't have said “forever,” when we actually meant “never.” I learned that I didn't need the promise of forever. I just needed a reason for you to stay.
Every day, I'm learning
When one decides to move on, one takes life's lessons along the way. I am who I am today, because I knew you. We are so often told that, “experience is the best teacher.” I know full well that those words ring true in my heart. We have heard many stories of heartbreak and letting go, but never had I expected that I would be experiencing heartbreak. I never suspected that one day, I would learn what it is like to let go.
I guess that's just how life works. It brings you to unexpected places and brings you out of your comfort zone. Along the way, you will meet people who will teach you many lessons and in the end, you will find yourself to be a completely different person.
#1 “Pain is only temporary.” Paulo Coelho has always been one of my favorite authors, so I hold this quote near and dear to my heart. As a child, I have always identified with the painfully tragic characters in both books and film. Why? Perhaps in their pain, I saw profound beauty. Now I realize how real pain is and how much is hurts. But like the storms in one's life, they shall fade away and make way for clearer skies. The pain will not remain, if you don't let it.
#2 Time is your best ally. Another age-old saying is that “Time heals all wounds.” Being one who is rather impatient, I find time to be rather frustrating on my part. I remember being constantly chided by those older than me to “be patient.” I would never sit still, being the restless soul that I am. I would foolishly go and make things work out for me, sometimes yielding disastrous results.
As I grew older, I learned that time is indeed your best ally. Humans were not programmed to understand the concept of time, but if one wants to be healed of wounds, one must learn how to be patient and let time be your ally. It might not be the easiest thing to do, but it will be worth it.
#3 One gets a little lost along the way, but one will always find their bearings. When you broke my heart, I found myself to be lost. What was I to do? I found myself to wander aimlessly through life, doing things without thinking. I wanted to feel like I was still alive, because as cliché as it might sound, a part of me died when I lost you. But it was only when I found myself to be lost that I eventually found who I was again. I was so afraid of losing you, that I forgot about myself.
#4 Life does not stop for anyone. Eventually, I will see you in the arms of another. And we will smile, glad for each other. We will move on, mere passers-by in each other's life. While my future remains unclear at the moment, I have chosen to be happy and dwell in peace. Even if it does mean seeing you in the arms of another, so shall it be. This is life, and you have the choice to stay where you are, or move on to greater things.
#5 I shall no longer allow myself to be controlled by fear. People fear what they cannot understand. They just don't trust what they cannot explain. Before I fell in love with you, I was scared. I was afraid of my feelings, of opening my vulnerabilities. But I've learned that if one wants to be loved fully, one must learn to let go of fear. It's ironic that in letting you go, I must also not allow fear to take over my heart. While I am afraid to lose you forever, I shall be open to the reality of 'goodbye.'
#6 I shall be eternally grateful. I have always been a person to be grateful for everything, so in doing so I shall never forget you. I am thankful to you for allowing me to share a part of myself with you. If it weren't for you, I would never know if something as beautiful as love actually exists.
Before you, I thought love was just some abstract word that poets and artists loved using. But you made me feel it, experience it, live it for only a brief moment. And it is in that, that I shall always thank you.
#7 Love is real, and I shouldn't give up on it. Heartbreak does things to people. Sometimes, people build walls around themselves, afraid to fall in love again. When you broke my heart, I learned that love is not some shallow thing that the world has abused over the years. I learned that love is a very beautiful thing, and that it is very real.
I realized that just because we ended, it doesn't mean I should give up entirely. Sure, in doing so I shall be taking risks once again. I might find myself to be swimming in unfamiliar waters, unsure if I will sink or swim. One thing is for certain though, I shall never give up on love. It is the strongest force on earth, too beautiful to miss.
Yes, life is indeed funny. I have chosen to pick up the pieces of myself and move on. Only ghosts tend to dwell in the past, and even they have to move on someday. And while the past might be a good place to visit, I wouldn't want to live there.
So thank you, love, for breaking my heart. I shall wish nothing but true happiness for you. While our story might have been brief, my memory of you shall not fade.
