15 Cell Phone Rules Every Couple Has to Follow to Build Real Trust
Cell phones are great but can also create turmoil for relationships. These are the cell phone rules every couple has to follow for a healthy relationship.
Since cell phones have become a basic human need, they have caused countless suspicions, fights, and even breakups for many couples. Although it would be wonderful to not need any cell phone rules every couple has to follow, they can be necessary and truly helpful.
Snooping, glancing over your boo's shoulder, and knowing each other's passcodes or not can be disastrous for a relationship. A healthy relationship means having boundaries but also trusting each other.
Do you want privacy or transparency with cell phones?
Everyone wants to hold onto a bit of mystery in their relationship. But, is that mystery and privacy worth a lack of honesty? Being transparent with your partner is a vital part of a healthy and honest relationship.
With 100% honesty, cell phone rules wouldn't be necessary, but with all the ways a person can cheat and keep secrets with their cell phones, setting some rules can lead you in the right direction.
You may not want your partner to see that your most recent Google search was for 'where to get the best deal on a Snuggie,' but that is better than them thinking you're cheating. If you have nothing to hide, enacting cell phone rules shouldn't cause any problem at all.
But, if you have something to hide, like the fact that you are texting other people romantically or still have risqué photos of an ex, you may want to check your behavior. Keeping secrets, no matter how insignificant you might think they are, can doom a couple from the start.
So, having a talk with your significant other about the right cell phone rules to follow can help you avoid future fights and possible questions down the road.
Why do you need cell phone rules?
It would be so wonderful if your boo's phone was ringing. You could just pick it up without wanting to glance at the Caller ID. It would be great if your partner showed you a photo on their phone, and you didn't have the urge to swipe further. It would be superb if you didn't wonder who they were texting.
It is human nature to be a little bit suspicious. But when a little snooping becomes obsession and paranoia, cell phone rules come in handy.
The same goes for anyone super protective of their privacy. If you are defensive when your partner asks you about who is calling or texting you, it is probably because you have something to hide. If you grab your phone out of their hand immediately, you may need more than cell phone rules.
Trust issues can be deeply rooted. But, if you have ever discovered an ex was cheating by something on their phone, having cell phone rules can help you moving forward.
Cell phone rules every couple has to follow
Not all of these rules will work for you and your partner. And these are not rules to follow forever. But if you are truly trying to be open and honest and create a safe space in your relationship, these can help to build the foundation all healthy couples have: trust.
If you or your partner have a problem with any of these, you may want to ask yourself why. What is it that you are so afraid of? If handing your phone to your partner without double checking photos or messages worries you, these cell phone rules may not help at all because there's a deeper issue you have to overcome.
Keep in mind these cell phone rules are only stepping stones. Once you follow these rules for a while and have earned each other's trust, you should be able to stop enforcing these cell phone rules. Let trust guide the relationship. But to start, here are my top cell phone rules every couple has to follow.
#1 Talk about your past. People who have never had trust issues may not see the need for cell phone rules. Your partner may not understand why you need access to their phone. But talking about your past can help open their eyes to your perspective.
Let your partner know it isn't them you don't trust. You have lingering issues from the past, and cell phone rules will help you move forward. If they truly care about you, they will agree and understand your side.
#2 Leave your phone out. If you are with your partner and head to the bathroom with your cell phone, it can seem sketchy. Instead, learn to leave your phones out around each other.
If you both have nothing to hide, you should be completely comfortable with anything that might pop up in notifications. And having that openness will give you both peace of mind.
#3 Check in. When you're not together, check in with each other. It can be a simple, “I'm thinking about you,” message midday. Just sending something over keeps you connected when you're apart.
#4 Tell your partner the truth. Some people think the truth is overrated. You may wonder what the benefits of telling your partner that your ex texted you are. But telling them yourself now is much better than them finding out you kept it from them later.
You may have done nothing wrong, but keeping a secret no matter how innocent can place a seed of doubt in their mind. So even if you think it isn't a big deal, look at the situation from their perspective.
#5 Think before you delete. Deleting photos of your ex when you start dating someone new is perfectly fine, even good. But if you are deleting your search history, messages from a “close friend,” or anything else, think about why this needs deleting.
You are deleting proof of something you feel guilty about. But why did you do something you would have to delete in the first place?
#6 Can you answer each other's phones? This is something you and your partner have to discuss yourselves. Personally, I think full access removes any questions, but if you use your phone for business, this may not be an option.
Discuss how allowing each other this access would benefit your relationship.
#7 Should you share passcodes? The same goes for sharing passcodes. This is something you should agree upon. But, it can be a sign of complete trust. It shows that you are not at all worried that your partner will find something on your phone and neither are they.
#8 Don't do anything you wouldn't want them doing. If you wouldn't want your partner liking their ex's Instagram photo, don't do it yourself. If you wouldn't want them texting an ex, don't do it. If something your partner did would upset you, don't do it yourself.
#9 Warn each other before going silent. Something that can worry you or your partner is radio silence, even for just a day. So, if you are heading to a remote area to fish and won't have service, just let your partner know beforehand so they won't worry.
#10 Shut down unwanted texts. If someone DMs you with questionable motives, shut them down ASAP. Don't even flirt with the idea. Let them know you are in a committed relationship and end it there. Even just a few messages can be a gateway to cheating.
#11 Delete risqué photos of anyone that isn't your partner. Okay, if you have a sexy picture of Kim Kardashian or Idris Elba as your background, that should be fine. But if you still have racy photos of your ex or even a friend, delete them. Your relationship will be much better off without windows into the past or future temptations.
#12 Give each other space. Openness and honesty does not mean suffocating and obsessing. Don't pry. You don't have to know what the other is doing every minute of the day. You don't have to read through each other's texts and analyze everything.
#13 Don't argue via text. This is a big one. Having a fight via text only makes things worse. The likelihood for miscommunications, misunderstanding, and even typos is so high. These things can escalate a fight so quickly. There is no clarity in texting.
So, if you are on the verge of a fight, see each other in person, FaceTime, or at the very least talk on the phone. Hearing each other's voices and seeing each other's faces takes away a lot of misinterpretations.
#14 Put your phones down. When you are together, put your phones away. Not all the time, but be sure to have some phone-free time when you are together. Really focus on each other and be in the moment.
However always having your phone away when you're together can lead to suspicion. So try to create a balance.
#15 Hand them over. This may not be necessary for all couples. In fact, if the trust is there, you may not even consider it. But if you or your partner, or both of you are struggling, swap phones. Let your partner snoop right in front of you.
It can seem counterintuitive to prove your loyalty and vice versa, but it can help to give each other peace of mind, especially if secrets have been kept in the past.
There should be no suspicion, worry, prying, or lying when you use these cell phone rules every couple has to follow.
