7 Facts About The Perpetually Single Girl And 7 Lies
Single gals get a lot of flack just because they don't have someone to scratch their back. Some shows may have loosened some tight a$$es and helped to glamorize the lives of the unattached, independent single woman doing her own thing, but the social stigma still rears its ugly head and turns its nose up at single girls every now and then. You'd think we've come a long way from renaissance writers penning couplets riddled with fear of the modern intelligible woman, but we're still talking about her behind her back in 2017.
What about equality and #HeForShe and double standards? Nobody rags on about the perpetually single guy, telling him to settle down and find someone to build a home and family with. They call him an eligible bachelor but ladies doing the same thing are emblazoned with the scarlet letter? The fact that a single man is more palatable to society than a single woman is pretty ridiculous. Let's not forget - it's Her life, Her body, and Her choice. Who is affected by a single woman's choices other than herself? Let's not fear and condemn her in shame. Reject the notion that we women must alter ourselves to fit anything. Let's celebrate having options to build a life that suits us rather than molding ourselves to suit one lifestyle.
So here's to a more accurate representation of the single Samantha. Here's a rebuttal to the preconceived notions about good old Sam, that some are still circulating while smiling at her from behind their pumpkin spiced lattes.
14 Lie #7: Lacks Confidence
I know you've done it. Judged the single girl at the dinner party. Maybe she has been stood up. Her awful Tinder date that you have shamelessly watched has just left and now she's ordering a stiff drink. You assume that she has low self-esteem because she is subjecting herself to the cold reality of dating fuqbois and their ilk. Maybe she parties a little too hard and brings some hot stranger home with her because - you assume - she doesn't respect herself and her body. There are a lot of assumptions going on here because I doubt that, if you have a single friend, you've actually asked her what she thinks about her vibrant social calendar. You just smile and nod when she retells her sexcapades. If you asked her about it I'm sure she'd answer all of your questions. And maybe you'd find that all that judgment is really just projection.
13 Truth #7: All about Self Love
Being Single is a gift. Sometimes it's hard to see it that way, but that's exactly when we benefit from taking time for ourselves the most. Sometimes it's hard to wrap your head around so think of it like when you pat yourself on the back for getting to the gym or thanking yourself when you find the space in your day to make it to your yoga mat. It's making time for you and what you want to do. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. You get to reacquaint yourself with the one person who has always been there with you and will continue to spend your life with - you - so it's great to put in some ME time and make sure that you are on the track that you want to be on. Plus: not only will spending time on you make you more attractive to yourself, it also makes you more attractive to the rest of the world.
12 Lie #6: D**ks before Chicks not Chicks before D**ks
A common misconception about the single girl is that she'll ditch you the second she gets a whiff of testosterone on her trail. There is this idea that the single lady is this ruthless minx always on the hunt for men and can be completely consumed by her special single female hormones (or whatever) at any given moment, thus making her a flaky and untrustworthy friend. So, consequently, you - in your domestic significant other bliss - hesitate to spend quality one on one time with your single pal. You don't want to go out on a girl's night with her for fear of being dropped like a hot potato after going off to pee, which is a hell of a lot of prejudice based off a hunch and some hearsay. That may have been the case that one time you agreed to be her wing woman, but just to clarify a wing woman by definition is there to aide their partner in crime seal the deal, and therefore is the exception to the chicks before dicks rule.
11 Truth #6: The Ultimate Addition to the Squad
Attention loved up ladies. You need not fear the admission of single gals to the inner circle. They are trying to snag a brunch invitation, not your man. Single girls are just like you - in fact you were one once upon a time. Diversifying your girl group with a single girl or two will enrich your routine activities and spice up your monotonous conversation gossiping about each other's significant other's annoying habits. Also your single friend can be the best person to complain to about your S.O., as they have no allegiances to him, and therefore don't need to dance around the bush when giving their two cents. They are the ones who know all spots to take you to when you are up to your eyeballs in testosterone and need some lady energy. It's an asset to have a friend that lives different experience than you because it means that she can look at your situation through a different lens when all your other coupled up friends see only what you see.
10 Lie #5: Always Looking for The One
You might think that a single girl is not fun to hang around with because she is always on the hunt for her Mr. Right. This fallacy runs deep. You think that because you have finally found your beau she must be looking for hers. Your logic is as follows: she is not in a committed relationship so all of her time goes into trying to be in one, and therefore she has no time or energy could left to nurture her friendships. However if that is the case exiling her seems a pretty extreme and lonely punishment for someone whose only crime is not having found a partner yet. Most likely your single friend leads a well-balanced and interesting life that revolves around her - not her want for a relationship - and spending a little time with her will probably reignite some portion of your lost independence that you are projecting on to her.
9 Truth #5: Baddest Boss B*tch in Town
So now that we've established that single girls aren't trolling around searching for her one and only we can enlighten you on all of the cool and fun activities she gets to do because she has nobody else to answer to but herself. She has the freedom to choose what she wants to spend her time doing without needing to consider someone else. That's why single girls have so many hobbies - they make jewelry, have a ceramics collection, and they kick your bum at cross fit and aerial yoga. They are always crushing it at work because they will take that crappy work trip, work longer hours, and network the hell out of every work event if they feel like nabbing that promotion six months earlier than expected instead of dare I say it running home for some quality time with bae and taking that long romantic weekend over president's day.
8 Lie #4: Desperado
“Single girls are desperate” - quote by the media, the patriarchy, mean girls, mean boys, and everyone else in between. There is still an illogical fear of women who are unattached, unfettered, and unchecked by a male counterpoint. They say that she is loose, desperate, and will do anything to secure a man and thus she is untrustworthy and should be treated at arms length. Well ladies, if that is the case the only thing between you and being 'her' is your partner. And isn't that giving too much power over you and your happiness to an unpredictable, external factor.
Single girls have feelings and insecurities too, so writing her off as desperate because of her marital status without a second thought is rude, judgmental, and inaccurate. The worst thing about this misconception is that when other women perpetuate this harmful stereotype it highlights how deeply the patriarchal fear of independent women has penetrated the lens with which women see each other and harms all of us, and our worth, in the process.
7 Truth #4: No Scrubs
The reality of the situation is that the single woman is single because she is not desperate. In fact she is the opposite. She will not settle for any THOT or fuqboi that decides to buy her a drink. She has been in the game long enough that she does not need to put herself through the moderate discomfort of a less than ideal relationship to be more palatable to certain closed minded social circles. The single girl knows what she wants and will wait until she finds it - especially in the current romantic drought that is hook up culture. Dating can drain your energy, your bank account, and your happiness. Perhaps she can be too picky at times but she values herself and will not let anyone tell her otherwise. Rather than waste her time and making compromises for someone that may not deserve it, she chooses to remain unattached and channel her energy inward. Sorry boys, our world does not revolve around you.
6 Lie #3: Delivery for 1
So you think that single girls deserve your pity because they are alone. They know every restaurant that delivers in less than twenty-five minutes in their neighbor hood and is the butt of the delivery guys' jokes. They probably order food for one to their sad apartment and eat alone pondering the sad loneliness of their lives and overanalyzing their horoscope. They have nobody to share their good or bad days with except for their a$$hole cat who will stare deadpan at them while they talk and then push their fried rice container off the table. Sometimes they venture out and go out for dinner but the constant looks of concern by other patrons at their party of one drives them home before desert. And they always find an excuse for why they can't come to your dinner parties because the idea of being in a room full of couples is too painful for them. Yeah, all that does sound ridiculous when it's written down, and read aloud.
5 Truth #3: Ain't Nobody Got Time for That
The thought might be shocking to some but a single woman is just like every other woman. She wakes up. She sleeps. She sh*ts. And she eats. But sometimes she is busy. She has a job, after all and has friends. She has a social life and sometimes she stays in and takes the night for herself. So yes, sometimes she orders delivery for one to her place, but since when was that a crime against humanity. Maybe she doesn't have time or feel like cooking. So people in relationships don't order delivery to their apartment now? And why does how many people you order for matter. Trust me, she is not sitting there worrying about how her eating habits affect other people - that was just one of those eye roll Carrie Bradshaw insecurities that made everyone want to fast forward. She doesn't have time for it, and neither should anyone else.
4 Lie #2: No Pluses, Only Minuses
Assumption: a single woman has nothing going for her. A woman's desirability is causal to her ability to secure a catch. Thereby the only way a woman can cement or her worth to others is by displaying the man on her arm. By attracting a partner she sends the signal that she is a desirable match to someone and therefore can be to another. A single woman hasn't been able to secure a partner so there must be something wrong with her. Choose any of the following explanations. A) She is unattractive. B) She is crazy. C) She has no applicable skills or job prospects. D) She is infertile E) She has ridden everyone's bicycle. F) All of the above. This may seem extreme but think about it the next time someone asks you how it's possible a smart, funny, sexy girl like you is single? Followed by a coy: what's wrong with you? It may be a cute joke designed to compliment you despite your marital status, which is a problem in itself, but there's also some seriously shady subtext there.
3 Truth #2: Skills, Skills, Skills
In reality single woman can be as lame or as awesome as they want to be. Usually it's the latter though. Maybe it's my gender bias talking here but most women are. Women always have hidden strengths that nobody knows about because nobody has ever taken the time to ask them. They kick box, and paint, and are enrolled in night classes to get their MBA and will wipe the floor with all the suited bros the next presentation they have at work. Single ladies have so much going on. Their life definitely does not stop just because they've stopped sleeping with the same loser. Maybe they have more going on because they aren't spending all that time thinking about said loser and you've got to fill that vacuum somehow. Maybe they've got so much going on that they don't have time to take care of a man right now. The best thing about this independent single woman is that she can apply her skills somewhere other than a romantic relationship.
2 Lie #1: Never Gets Any
A single girl is screwed if she wants to get screwed. No relationship, no cookie. Right? Maybe you are a serial monogamist who has never not been in a relationship. Maybe the last time you were single you were fifteen years old and don't know what it's like in the big bad world of dating because someone has always been on the back burner and swooped in the second you broke up with your ex. Whatever it is you think that no one is getting lucky outside of the sacred walls of monogamy. There was one time that there was a three month break in between boyfriend number four and five during which you had the most infuriating drought of your life for fear of devaluing yourself and you just felt so helpless and unwanted. So what's a girl to do if she isn't in a steady, committed relationship? Honestly, literally anything - there are so many options.
1 Truth #1: Raining Men
If you think the only way to get laid is if you have someone waiting for you at home you are either living under a rock or severely deluded. It's 2017. Women can snap their fingers and a man, woman, or whoever, will arrive to do her bidding. Well - not quite but you can order sexy time the way you order insomnia cookies at 3 a.m. Not to mention women can go out into the world and ask for it whenever they want. (Key word: ask). There's nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants. Single women probably get laid more often than women in relationships. They don't have to wait for hubby to come home and decompress after a long day, or until they've resolved some silly fight. Men are beating down doors to get into hers any time of day. All she has to do is point at which one she fancies the most ant any given moment.
