15 Signs You're Secretly Dating A Narcissist

So how do you know if you're secretly dating a narcissist? Well, lets be honest, if you're dating a narcissist you probably are already are aware of it (or at least should be aware of it). But even if you know you're dating one, sometimes their good qualities (they do have a lot of them) can seemingly outweigh their negative traits (they have tons of these). So you continue to justify their very dark and explosive side because of all the great qualities they do possess, which are a lot of what you look for in a man. That's the difficulty about dating a narcissist - they're extremely charming, magnetic, and extroverted, which can make them very attractive, particularly in the early stages of courtship when you're getting romanced by one. Furthermore, their positive attributes are often associated with very masculine features that women are naturally drawn to such as power, extroversion, humour, and assertion, which makes them very high-in-demand sexual partners. And for a lot of women, that's tough to resist, even if they know they deserve better.

So let's break down the long list of attributes that can often make up a guy that is narcissistic, and should be signs for you to be aware of, and ultimately, make you proceed with caution when it comes to dating.

22 Only Ever Talks About Himself

This is typically the most telling sign and most common way to recognize narcissistic behaviour. You could summarize this point by saying: does spending time with him drain you or fill you up? Narcissists can be exhausting to spend time with because the spotlight of the conversation is always fixated on them. They abuse people around them as sounding boards and sponges for all their thoughts and ideas. The worst part of all is that most narcissists don't have the social awareness to even understand that they're driving people bonkers by stealing all the energy of every conversation. In groups they will feel the need to compete for the attention of the room - to always be the funniest, most interesting, or loudest person around, which can be extremely draining when you have to date someone who demands this much of your attention at all times.

21 Lack Of Social Consideration

This point directly relates to the previous point - take notice and see if he extends the olive branch in conversation. Are his conversations with other people simply monologues like he's beating a tennis ball against a brick wall? Or does he play ping pong and actually ask about the other person? Even more than that - does he ACTUALLY care if he does ask? Often people who are very narcissistic lack this very basic, fundamental habit of social consideration - someone asks about you, takes interest and listens to what you have to say, then they ask the same in return. And at least pretend to be interested! A narcissists attention is so fixated inward on themselves and their own issues that they will not think to ask, forget to ask, or ask and physically not even register what the other person is even saying. So pay attention for these social cues!

20 Need For Instant Gratification

Narcissists typically need to have their way, and they need to have it right now! In a relationship this can manifest itself when they get pissed off and angry when you don't respond to messages you right away, or don't pick up their calls. Most narcissists typically have a hard time hearing the word “no” as they're so used to everyone bending over backwards to accommodate them. So if you notice that the guy you're with gets angry when you tell him “no” or everything always seems to be on his terms, then you may have a narcissist on your hands. Think of it like a little kid who throws a temper tantrum when they don't get their way - narcissists throw these types of tantrums in ways such as becoming cold, standoffish, or full-on angry and explosive if things aren't exactly how they want them.

19 Lack Of Empathy

Narcissists act and behave in a way that can actually really hurt people. They behave carelessly and typically act how they want with complete disregard for others. You could actually go as far as saying that most fully-fledged narcissists are low-grade sociopaths in the way that they seemingly employ such little empathy for others. You know… they seem emotionless and never cry or get really empathetic towards things happening around them. Take Donald Trump for example - he's your classic full-blown narcissist. In his first three months as president he has created action as president of the USA that has hurt entire families, races, and divided an entire country without employing any empathy for his actions. Narcissists are a lot of things, but one thing they are not is empathetic.

18 Very Hot And Cold Moods

In my experience with people who are very narcissistic, they're very moody. They're the kind of people, when in the the right state of mind and a great mood, are some of the most charismatic and magnetic people you've ever met. But when they are in a bad mood, they're some of the most volatile people you can ever come across. To the point that you literally feel this toxic energy oozing from their body. Narcissists are amazing people to have on your side, as they will be fiercely loyal to you and treat you amazing, but if you get on a narcissist's bad side, they will hate you with every part of their fibre. So pay attention to his moods - most narcissists have a lot of enemies or people who really don't like them for this exact reason. In a relationship this can manifest in his behaviour towards you as well - one minute he's whisking you off for the most romantic dinner, and the next he's being awful to you for no apparent reason.

17 He's A Control Freak And Power Hungry

Most narcissists have extremely strong personality types. This is probably part of what drew you to him in the first place - he was decisive, assertive, and made you feel like a lady. A narcissist is often one of the more dominant personality types in a group of guys, which is what appeals to a woman's basic instinct to look for the alpha of the pack or the strongest man in the group. He typically sticks out more than more submissive or passive men. While this is obviously an attractive trait to have, the downside is that most narcissists have an obsessive need to be in control and in the power position. This can be worrisome if it gets to the point where he literally tries to control you and sees you more as his possession as opposed to an equal partnership. When it comes to gender roles in a relationship there is the possibility of a real imbalance because of his need to be in the driver's seat of the relationship.

16 He's Sometimes Delusional

Most narcissists can live in their own self-absorbed world, and so, they can make it tough on people they're in emotional relationships with because they don't often live in reality. They can be extremely non-agreeable and tough to find common ground with because their POV on everything is so completely skewed to their way of thinking and how they see the world. Again, I hate to use the Donald Trump example but he's just too easy - one word you could say to describe him is completely and utterly DELUSIONAL. He's living in a reality of his own creation, not of this world. Narcissists can be tough to co-exist with because they create these faux realities for themselves, and will never, ever bow or bend their stance on things, even if what they're saying or how they're acting is completely nuts.

15 He's Vain

This is what people often directly associate with narcissism, and while it's definitely part of it, it's only the beginning of what true narcissism is (and keep in mind, there are people who really care about how they look and put time into their appearance who are actually not that narcissistic). But does he overly care about how he looks? To the extent that he's completely obsessed with the gym… often taking bathroom selfies and posting them online to try and get a confidence boost with a bunch of likes from robots and girls who have absolutely zero taste in men. Narcissists are extremely preoccupied with their appearance - their outfits are well thought out and manicured, they're men who calorie count, and the type of men who have a hard time dealing with elements that come along with aging, such as balding, wrinkles, or weight gain. Mirrors are a narcissist's best friend, so if you feel like you're competing for your boyfriend's attention with your bathroom mirror, then there's a chance your man is a narcissist.

14 He's Entitled

Think of that super hot (fake) chick that thinks she deserves special treatment from the world just because she looks like a Barbie doll. Yeah, those kind of girls are the female equivalent of narcissists. A narcissistic man goes around thinking that the world owes him something… because he's so special and great… and the world should just give him everything he wants without him having to grind it out and put in the work. A narcissistic genuinely feels they deserve preferential treatment from the world - the best service, the finest things in life. The world revolves around them and they should get exactly what they want when they want. They're typically pretentious and high-maintenance. To use a real life example: a narcissistic man would be the most likely to complain about food or service at a restaurant, and not just that, but actually be rude to the waiter and make him feel awful for not delivering five-star service.

13 He Thinks He's A Gift From God

To piggyback off the previous point - this sense of entitlement usually stems from an inner-belief that he's special and superior to everyone else. He's a gift from god, and should be treated as so. Think of Kanye West - he genuinely believes that he's a gift from god. Everything that comes out of his mouth is filled with so much ego, bravado, and entitlement. So if your guy not only thinks he's special, but actually vocalizes this fact on a regular basis, and it comes through in his behaviour and affects his inter-personal relationships because of it, then you're most definitely dating a narcissist. A narcissist will treat those who he feels are below him with disrespect, simply there to serve him because he's just so damn special and superior.

12 He's Manipulative And Uses People

A narcissist is often extremely deceitful. You trust them and they betray you. That's because they're only out for themselves and will do whatever they have to do to get ahead. They're the kind of guys who will step on their friends, their loved ones, if it means they get to be successful and reach their goals. In his friendships, he will probably befriend people knowing that he can get something out of them. And in relationships, he's the type of guy who will date girls he thinks are physically attractive because they will make him look good and improve his social status. So if you notice your guy taking advantage of people, having poor intentions, and developing all these “fake friendships” with people then you're probably dating a narcissist.

11 He's An Attention Wh*re

Either a narcissist was coddled as a child and told by his parents that he was the most special thing ever created. OR, he got no attention from his parents, and therefore, has been starving for attention his whole life. Both of those situations can develop someone who is a complete attention whore. Narcissists are like this. They HAVE to be the center of attention at all times. To the point that they actually get jealous, upset, and moody if they feel somebody is overshadowing them. Hanging out with someone who's like this can be exhausting because they're NEVER able to hang back, play more of a submissive role and let someone else have the spotlight for once. This can manifest itself in a relationship when everything is about his accomplishments. He has a very hard time standing back and allowing you to have your turn in the spotlight because he gets jealous, insecure, and competitive.

10 He Tests Relationship Boundaries

A narcissist will test relationship boundaries. Why? They need the attention. A narcissistic man is probably the most likely to cheat or engage in an emotional affair. It's because he needs CONSTANT attention. For example: he begins to stray from his marriage after he and his wife have a kid because his wife's attention is no longer plastered on him 24/7 but rather it's all about the kid now. You could say that he's very childish in this way and tests relationship boundaries because he wants to see what he can get away with. In a relationship there is a line that you should never cross, a narcissist will definitely test that line. In general, a narcissist is puddy for a compliment and will be hard to trust because they have this deep, starving need to seek attention and be told by people how great and special they are.

9 Commitment Issues

Often a common a thread in a narcissist's relationship past is a failure to maintain in a committed, long-term relationship. IE. Commitment issues. This usually comes from the fact that a narcissist wants to have their cake and eat it too. They're always looking for the best option, and will probably leave a partner if they feel there is someone hotter, younger, and better than the person they're with. This is where the likelihood to have affairs and test relationship boundaries arises from. Nothing is ever good enough for a narcissist so they're always searching for the next best thing. Think of it like this: a guy gets super successful, rich, or famous all of a sudden, and rather than being faithful to his partner for helping him get there, helping him endure all the years of struggle, he leaves her because he suddenly has all these options he never had before. Yup, that's a narcissist alright!

8 He Can Never Admit He's Wrong

A narcissist always thinks they're right. Admitting they're wrong is literally the hardest thing for them to do, to the point that they probably never actually do admit they're wrong. Even if they know they're wrong, they will still argue their point and stand their ground. This can make a relationship difficult because they're so unbelievably stubborn and strong headed, that you will have a hard time finding common ground and working through disagreements because the narcissist's ego is so tied up in everything they do. It's a very important that you have the ability to look at yourself objectively and intelligently, and admit when you're wrong and own up to your mistakes, which is not behaviour that will be natural or easy for a narcissist.

7 Thinks Everyone Should Think The Way He Does

Everyone has a different opinion, a different mindset, a different belief system, and a different way of thinking. A narcissist thinks that how they think is the best way and everyone should adopt their way of thinking. They think they have all the answers and everyone else is wrong. This can lead to that thing we talked about earlier - delusional behaviour and way of thinking. This is also part of the reason why they're so stubborn, strong headed, and have a hard time objectively looking at situations from other's POV. Their mindset is so fixed that they can't employ empathy and look at situations from different angles to understand others better and their way of thinking.

6 Reactive And Ill-Tempered

While they typically have extroverted, magnetic, and charming personalities, the flip side is that they can have a pretty explosive dark side. To the point they can actually turn into a full-blown monster when they're pissed off about something. Not just that but their mood can shift and explode out of nowhere. Rather than being level-headed and diplomatic, a narcissist can be extremely reactive and erupt like a volcano going directly off emotion and impulse. This can make a relationship rocky at times, as you never know when they will explode. To the extent that partners might even begin to agree with this person - strictly based from fear - because they're worried what might happen if they disagree with them.

5 Hyper Competitive

While being competitive is a positive attribute (to a certain extent), the difficulty here lies that he's likely to be competitive with you. He could become jealous or threatened by your success, as in his eyes, it challenges his own. Once again, he is so fueled by his ego that he may get caught up in competition with his girlfriend or spouse, rather than offering her support in the pursuit of her goals and ambitions. He wants the focus of celebration to be around him and his successes, so he will have a hard time standing at the back of a room clapping for someone else's successes, without feeling those burning feelings of jealousy and anger.

4 He's Always Trying To Assert His Dominance Over Other Men

You know when you're at a party with your SO and you talk to other people of the opposite sex? A narcissistic man is likely to keep a close watch on his girlfriend, eyeing up the other guys she's talking to. He sees all other men as a threat, and so, he will be fueled by testosterone to assert dominance over the other guys and mark his territory. This can make socializing difficult, as this guy is very reactive, jealous, and can't think logically when it comes to his girlfriend's interactions with other guys. It's like those classic meat head, gym-type personalities who spend hours at the gym just staring at their muscles… yeah, those guys are the most likely to peacock and assert dominance over other guys to make sure they know what is theirs and to not come anywhere close.

3 Lack Of Reliability And Follow-Through

Many narcissists are unreliable and always act against their word. They have difficulty following through. And so, they're difficult to trust because they're seldom loyal to their word. Always changing their mind… it's hard to know where you stand. Particularly when it comes to emotions - they're the type who could abandon you because they're going to do what's best for them at any given minute. Hot one minute and cold the next, they're the types who may not follow-through on promises and agreements you make. Their flighty nature makes it extremely tough to invest in a long-term emotional relationship because you never know if they're going to take off, if suddenly something better and more interesting comes along.

2 Only Romantic With Big Gestures

A narcissist's difficulty to carve out true intimacy in their relationships will be covered up with big, hollow romantic gestures. In the beginning stages of courtship, a narcissist will probably seem like the most romantic and exciting romantic prospect - fancy and romantic dinners, exotic vacations, and big romantic gestures. But that's because most narcissists lack the ability to carve out intimacy in the small, deep, and meaningful ways. You know, romance in the small things - the unasked-for back massage, cooking dinner for no reason, or simply loving you in a selfish way that puts you first, every day. Most narcissists use grand romantic gestures to develop ownership over romantic partners, and help try to fulfill them for their inability to create true, authentic intimacy in the way you normally do in a relationship. Example: Donald Trump takes his wife out for the most romantic dinners on the planet and flies her to the most amazing places in the world on his private jet, but do you think he ever rubs her feet for no reason? He probably pays someone to do that for him.

1 He's Selfish & Self-Absorbed

Now, of course he's selfish and self-absorbed! But deep to his core, this man is selfish. You know someone is truly selfish if their closest friends would use the word “selfish” as one of the primary words to describe them. But in so many ways… in the bedroom this man makes sex all about his own pleasure. He's lazy and doesn't want to work to get you off. He's in and out like he's act a McDonald's drive-thru. It's cheap, unsatisfying, and you always regret it after. When it comes to making plans, it's all about his schedule and doing things on his terms. He's so caught up in himself and his own thoughts, he never asks about you or makes the evening or occasion about you. Very inherently and innately, he is selfish and it makes you feel more like his mother, caretaker, and cheerleader than his wife or girlfriend.