15 Signs He's Getting Cold Feet

Deciding when (or if) to tie the knot is a really big decision, and one that most couples don't take lightly. For some, it's a really important step, a way to show their commitment to one another and celebrate their love in front of their friends and family. For others, it's just an unnecessary piece of paper that they don't need to validate their relationship. Wherever you stand on the whole marriage issue, one thing is for sure - it's a big deal.

While getting married is a happy occasion for those who decide it's what they want to do, weddings themselves are a notoriously stressful thing. Otherwise chill and relaxed couples may find themselves bickering or stressing about silly things if they let themselves, focusing more on the guest list and centerpieces than on the relationship. There's a reason so many movies have plot lines that center on someone cancelling a wedding -sometimes, in the midst of all the chaos and drama, couples just get tempted to walk away.

While a little bit of nerves is totally normal, even for a guy in the strongest, most stable relationship ever, there's a point where it's no longer just nerves - it's straight up cold feet, that dreaded thing that many brides or grooms dread.

Here are 15 signs that he might be getting cold feet.

15 He doesn't want to make big decisions

Sure, getting married might not seem like that big of a deal if you're already in a committed, long-term relationship and have been for quite a while. However, there's something about it that's just a little bit different - the whole building a life together thing gets a little bit more official. For most couples, the thought is both nerve-wracking yet really, really exciting - you can't wait to see where your collective future takes you! If your guy seems straight up terrified at making big decisions that would impact both of your futures, like deciding to buy a house, or even getting a pet together, it may mean he's getting a case of cold feet and wants to ensure there are no big issues to deal with should he decide to bolt. It obviously depends on the type of person he is - if he's the type who always struggles with big decisions, it might just be the usual, but it's worth taking note of.

14 He doesn't want to talk about your future

Look, no one is saying that couples need to have all the same goals and dreams once they're married - that would be ludicrous. Married individuals are still individuals with their own careers and passions and dreams. However, when you become a set of two, you do need to take the other person into consideration. If your dream is to pick up and move halfway across the world to live in Peru, while your partner wants to raise a family in the town he grew up in, that's an issue. So, if your partner is more than willing to talk about his future and the things he imagines for himself, but clams up the minute you try to figure out how you fit into that whole plan and what your joint future is, his toes might already be getting frostbitten. Everyone's marriage is different, and perhaps you can make a long-distance thing work, but the point is you need to be considering one another in your futures.

13 He doesn't want to spend time with your family

There's a reason there are so many romantic comedies that involve a newly married couple and the dreaded in-laws - family is a complicated thing, and sometimes introducing a fresh face into the mix can cause a little drama. However, if you're close to your family, and he's close to his family, at some point, you know that you'll be spending a fair bit of time with your spouse's family - after all, you're now a part of it! If your partner doesn't want to spend time with your family and start getting in good with his future in-laws, it may be a sign that he's getting cold feet and isn't really thinking of them as his future in-laws at all. Now, there may be other reasons behind his hesitation - perhaps he feels like your dad just really hates him, or he's terrified of your mother - but it's something that needs to be dealt with regardless.

12 He cares way, way too much about every little detail

Everyone has had those moments where you get hyper-obsessed with something that doesn't matter. Perhaps you're worried you're going to get fired from your job, so you throw all your energy into making sure your house is spotless, or into learning how to knit. It's so easy to try to avoid the thing we're truly concerned about by focusing on other things - and that applies to weddings too. Look, unless your guy is a wedding planner or just really into centerpieces, if he wants to micromanage every detail of the wedding, it might mean something is up. Sure, there's a small chance that he may have found a secret passion for the event planning world - but there's also a chance that he's focusing so hard on the details because he has a feeling in the pit of his stomach that it's a mistake and he's trying to squish that feeling and not think about it.

11 He doesn't care about the wedding - at all

Look, the stereotype that guys don't care as much about the wedding as women do is there for a reason - men just don't read as many lifestyle blogs as most women do, and likely just don't care about how the seating chart display looks. They don't particularly care about the cute wedding favours the guests will take away. They just don't. However, most guys at least know enough to pick one of two choices if their wife-to-be presents them. If your guy wants absolutely zero input and essentially leaves you to plan the entire wedding yourself, that could be a bad sign. Sure, weddings are often thought to be more about the bride than the groom, but the groom is still an integral part of the whole thing - so he shouldn't just be sitting in the backseat and making less comments than your random cousin you barely ever speak to.

10 He doesn't want to invite anyone

The wedding guest list is one of the worst parts of planning a wedding, as any married couple knows. It's a constant battle between the people you know you should invite (but don't particularly want to) and the people you really, truly want to be there celebrating with you. On the one hand, you don't want to offend people or leave anyone out, but on the other hand, you're not exactly a Rockefeller with a limitless budget (if you are, props to you - invite everyone!). However, a sign that your guy might be getting cold feet is if he really doesn't care about inviting anyone from 'his' side. Sure, you probably have mutual friends, but if he says that he doesn't care about any of his college buddies making the list, or any of his family, it's a sign that he might not be planning to make it to the wedding himself, and would rather not make all his friends and family show up for no reason.

9 He talks (a lot) about how stupid weddings are

Look, most women will willingly admit there are some parts of wedding planning that get a little silly - no one really cares what your signature cocktail is, or whether you hand-wrote the place cards that will greet your guests and tell them where they're sitting. However, there's a lot about them that is touching and romantic and lovely. If your guy has always been the type to slam weddings, well, perhaps you shouldn't have forced him down the aisle, and found some way to compromise that made both of you happy. If your guy has been pretty positive about weddings in general, though, and then all of a sudden he starts making comment after comment about how ludicrous weddings are, and how they're just a big waste of money - you might have a bolter on your hands. Everyone gets stressed about the actual planning part, but if he seems like he doesn't even want a wedding whatsoever, that could be an issue.

8 He freaks out about little things going wrong

Again - when it comes to planning a wedding, there's a certain amount of stress that is somewhat expected. After all, you're essentially organizing a giant party with a ton of moving parts, and then you add emotions into a mix - it's no wonder that so many couples freak out during the planning process! However, if your normally sweet and kind partner turns into a groomzilla, that could be a sign that he's displacing all his panic and nerves. He tells you the tie is totally wrong, but really, he's worried about the possibility that the marriage is totally wrong. It can be really tough to figure out the signs of cold feet because every guy is different with a different personality, so what may seem like the regular ol' dramatics from one individual may be total panic mode in another - you need to know your guy well enough to know the signs.

7 He mentions an ultimatum

Look, there's really no easier way to put this - you should get married because both of you want to get married and are excited to make that commitment and walk down that aisle. Under no circumstances should you get married because of an ultimatum. We get it - sometimes, when you've been in a long term relationship for years, and you really want to rock that white dress, it can be tempting to give your guy a little nudge. Just don't give him an ultimatum, whatever you do - you'll either end up losing him forever, or making him march down the aisle when he really, really doesn't want to, and that's no way to start a marriage. If your guy mentions an ultimatum he thinks you made, whether it was intentional or not, it could be a sure sign that he's gotten some cold feet and is wondering how on earth to get out of the mess he got himself into.

6 He's constantly miserable

Again, this comes down to one thing - you just need to know your partner. It's normal for couples to experience some extreme emotions in the wedding planning process, from stress and worry to pure joy and excitement. However, if your partner is normally a happy-go-lucky guy who is always smiling and optimistic, and suddenly he becomes a grey cloud of misery, well - that's a pretty clear sign that something is off. Whatever the reasoning behind his mood switch, he's likely got a pair of pretty cold feet in those shoes he's marching from cake tasting to trial run. When you have a wedding on the horizon, you should at least be excited some of the time - if you find yourself constantly sad or anxious or miserable and just dreading the entire thing, well, that's a pretty clear signal that it's not the right choice for you, no matter how much you want it to be.

5 He disappears

Everyone who loves Friends remembers the part before Monica and Chandler's wedding where Chandler freaks out and just goes totally M.I.A. before he's found and brought back - and it turns out, that storyline is not as far from real life as many would like to think! The rational, logical thing to do when you're getting cold feet about walking down the aisle is to talk to your partner, and discuss your concerns together. However, when you get in that kind of mood, most people aren't logical or rational - they just panic, totally and completely. Many guys, when they get cold feet, just end up disappearing because they don't want to deal with all their confusion and emotions. If your wedding is getting closer and closer and your groom all of a sudden is nowhere to be found, well - you'd better dig out some warm socks for those cold feet, because they're there.

4 He talks about 'getting it over with'

Again - weddings can be a nerve-wracking thing, and depending how shy you are, just the thought of getting up in front of a crowd of people (even if they're close to you) can be super anxiety-inducing. However, in between those nerves should be a lot of joy and excitement. If your guy seems to have bypassed the happy part of your upcoming nuptials and instead is constantly talking about just getting it over with, about just putting the wedding behind you two, well - that's a sign he might have cold feet and just be trying to power through it and get himself through the wedding out of sheer will. No one wants to feel like a wedding is something to just check off the list or put behind you - so you seriously need to talk to your partner if that's the vibe he is giving off, whether intentionally or subconsciously.

3 He craves the bachelor life in a major way

Look, there are parts of being a bachelor that are fantastic for many guys - you get to eat junk food and drink beer and hang out with your buddies without worrying about impressing anyone. It can be a lot of fun. And in a good marriage, most men still have time to hang out with their buds and plan boys' night fun - after all, you don't need to spend absolutely every single waking moment with your spouse. However, if your wedding day is approaching and he seems to want to revert back to his bachelor ways a hundred percent, well, that might be a sign that he's got some serious cold feet and is terrified at the thought of leaving his bachelordom behind for good and officially becoming a husband. This one might be an easy fix, though - you just need to reassure your husband-to-be that he'll still have plenty of time to eat hot wings in his sweat pants while yelling at the football game.

2 He starts babbling about monogamy being unnatural

Unless the two of you have agreed ahead of time that you definitely want an open marriage, well, it's not unreasonable to expect that your spouse stays faithful to you, and vice versa. While many guys get nervous at the thought of only ever being intimate with the same person, year after year, intimacy in marriage does have a ton of benefits - you get to know what your partner likes better than anyone else, and that can be fantastic. So, if your otherwise conventional partner suddenly starts talking about how monogamy is a totally unnatural thing, and how it's just a strange social construct that humans have taken up, there's a good chance he has a pair of cold feet (or perhaps he's a lot less conventional than you thought, and that's his strange way of bringing it up. Either way, y'all need to talk about things before heading down the aisle).

1 He asks married people whether they think their marriage was a good choice

There's absolutely nothing wrong with looking to those who have been in the married game for awhile for advice and insight - couples who have been married for decades have a wealth of knowledge that might be super helpful as you start your journey together. However, if your guy is constantly asking people who have already tied the knot whether it was a good choice or whether it was the worst mistake of their lives, well, chances are he's got some cold feet and is desperately looking for reassurance that he's doing the right thing. If you need to be reassured that marriage is the right choice for you, perhaps you're not quite ready to make that choice yet. Besides, no two marriages are alike - just because your adorable grandparents have been together for sixty years and are still crazy in love doesn't mean their advice will automatically get you to that same point.