13 Super Common Bedroom Issues Couples Face

Sleeping together can be pretty important in a relationship. For many people, it is an incredibly important part of a romantic relationship. After all, it is one of the big defining factors that creates a difference between those people that we consider friends and who we consider more than friends. That does not, however, mean that things always go according to plan in the bedroom department, especially when we are talking about long-term couples. Far from it. Life happens, and all kinds of weird things can happen along with it. Despite the fact that intimacy is used as advertising, discussed on every TV show, movie, and song, and treated as a total commonplace, having bedroom issues really is not all that unique at all. Here are 12 of the more common issues that any couple could be facing in the bedroom, and what to do if it happens to you.

13 Making Comparisons

Bringing comparisons into the bedroom can cause all kinds of issues, and yet it happens pretty often. There are a variety of comparisons that people might be making when it comes to their bedroom lives, including comparing the real life act to what you see in movies or in the "industry", comparing your bedroom life with a current partner to a former partner, and even comparing it from different stages of this same relationship. The thing is that any of that can serve as some sort of inspiration if getting busy could be better, but it shouldn't be held to an impossible standard. We all know that nothing in real life looks exactly like it does in a lot of on-screen situations, so it's a mistake to assume that anything would look quite like that. It's also a mistake to think that two different people would be the same in bed if they're different in pretty much every other way. Yes, some people are technically better than others, but everyone has the potential to step it up.

12 Boredom

When you're not in any sort of a relationship, it can be hard to imagine that sleeping with someone could ever be boring, and then somehow the day comes where once thrilling acts turns a bit stale. That can be a scary thought. There are a lot of reasons why boredom in the bedroom happens, and it doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to stay that way. Sometimes getting bored in the bedroom is the first hint that we don't really have feelings for someone anymore, but sometimes it's just because we've been doing it in the same two positions for the past two years. You probably try new foods every once in a while, so why wouldn't that apply to your bedroom life as well? Don't think of boredom in the bedroom as a death sentence to the relationship, just use it as a motivation to try out some new things or take the reigns in there entirely. This does not need to be boring, even if it's not over the top crazy, either.

11 Laziness

If you or your partner isn't putting in the effort required to make this aspect of your relationship great, then, of course, things could get pretty lame. Interest and enthusiasm are some of the most important factors in the bedroom and often more than the technical aspects. If someone isn't motivated to make the other person feel good, then how could anything possibly go well from there? If someone is feeling lazy about the situation, it's time to figure out why. Sometimes laziness is how selfishness manifests, and if your partner is acting too selfish that is something to right real quick. If you're the one who's feeling overly selfish you might want to think about why, as well as why you wouldn't want to be pleasuring your partner to your utmost abilities. Laziness and boredom can go hand in hand, so perhaps it's a lack of enthusiasm that can be fixed by turning things on their head so to speak, or even injecting some new passion in the relationship outside of the bedroom as well.

10 Zero Communication In Bed

Not communicating can be a huge issue in relationships in general, and it applies to the bedroom as well. Some people are shy about speaking up what they want in bed, but you should be comfortable talking to the person who you are letting inside of your body. More often than not, the other person will be happy to get some guidance, especially if you stick to positive statements like letting him know when something feels good. Guys like to feel like their "the man" in control, but you know that sometimes that just means letting them think that they're in control but subtly taking the lead. Think about getting lost in the car and how he might not specifically stop for directions but he would respond to your suggestion about downloading Waze. If he's not hitting the right spots in the bedroom you owe to both of you to make sure that he does. Sometimes this just has to do with pacing or timing and is super easy to remedy. Once you do, you'll definitely wonder why you didn't say anything earlier.

9 Zero Communication In General

If you aren't communicating outside of the bedroom, you might not be connecting within the bedroom, either. When people have the tendency to hold things in as opposed to discussing their grievances as they occur, this can manifest in all kinds of negative ways. If for example, you don't know the status of your relationship at all that could definitely make you put a wall up. You might think that you're fine with being casual but then suddenly find yourself more shy than normal in the bedroom because you don't want him to see you without your makeup on before he's made up his mind about wanting to commit to you or something. The unknown can be a little scary, and for some of us, that means pulling back. Being physical is an intimate act whether we like to admit it or not, and often what's going on in the rest of our relationship can totally affect it. It works out best people are open and comfortable with one another.

8 Inexperience

As a society, we put a lot of emphasis on having a good time with our partner, but we also don't want people to have too much before they got to us. For that reason, people who are inexperienced might be a little shy about it, which just closes off the communication that can be necessary to make it good. No matter how many parties you've had or how confident you are in your skills it's never a bad idea to inquire about what the person you're with would like specifically. You might be surprised. It's also key not to judge anyone for their lack of experience or for having a lot of it. What anyone did in the bedroom before meeting you doesn't have to have anything to do with your own personal life together. Reducing the stigmas around the act and your experience is the key to increasing the comfort needed for people to be their authentic selves in and out of the bedroom.

7 Inability To Finish

Most men have no trouble getting to the finish line, but a lot of women do. Some research suggests that 70 percent of women rarely achieve the end from the act alone. So it's pretty normal. But just because it's normal that doesn't mean that it has to be accepted. If an inability to do so is happening because of the way that you're engaging in the act, that's an easy fix. Incorporate some hand play during it or switch to positions that hit the right spots. Many women take a while to heat up so sometimes it's as simple as incorporating in more fun at the beginning so that you're ready before the big games again. If that doesn't work, using lube is always an option, and that's totally what it was made for. If it's trouble getting there in general, getting there alone is a great step towards figuring out what feels right.

6 Different Desire Levels

One big issue that some couples face is that they just have different ideas about how much they should be doing it. To put it in perspective, some people don't ever have the desire to do it and some people are literally addicts, so there is a lot of room for variation in between. This can get complicated because it can feel like you're getting rejected if your man doesn't want to do it when it might just simply be that his drive isn't as high as yours and he prefers a day off in between. If this isn't discussed openly and honestly things can get confusing pretty quickly and start to cause issues in other areas of the relationship, which will then turn back and cause issues in the bedroom as well. When you talk it out you can understand where each person is coming from and then work on meeting in the middle when possible so that you're both as happy as possible.

5 Pace

For some people, getting busy in the bedroom can be a little lackluster if he finishes too quickly, leaving you high and dry. But there are a lot of ways around this. For one thing, he can work on slowing things down by incorporating more breaks instead of powering through. Pulling out and pausing might require a bit of patience on his part, but it's totally doable and if it's necessary to make things more fun for you then he should totally be doing it. As an added bonus those breaks can be used as a time for more focus on you, as opposed to being breaks entirely. More stimulation for the women is rarely an unwelcome thing. Another option is to make sure that you get some of what you need before the actual act takes place, just to switch things up a bit. Find what you both do best leading up to the main thing and you get what you came for before he even begins on his.

4 Physical Concerns

Him not being able to get it up is a common example of physical concerns and would, of course, be a real legitimate concern. But physical concerns also go beyond this. A lot of women experience pain during this act for a variety of different reasons, which could have anything to do with the time of the month, his size, or an issue like endometriosis. If you ever start having pain out of nowhere it's always a good idea to get it checked out, just for piece of mind if not also finding a solution. If it's a size thing, simply playing with different positions can help reduce the pressure on the cervix. The classic one is often a lot safer room wise compared to say having your legs lifted up over your head which shortens the space inside. Part of it comes down to matching together two pieces, so it's realistic to have specific ways that it works and ways that it might not work as well.

3 Skipping The Emotional Intimacy

Sure, this might be a physical act, but you are fooling yourself if you do not think that it is emotional, too. Without emotional intimacy, physical intimacy can start to feel weird, because it removes some of the intention and connection to the act. Especially if one of both parties are feeling only lackluster about the physical part… that is going nowhere fast. The good news is it is a pretty easy fix if the person that you are sleeping with is someone who you actually have a relationship with. Figuring out ways to connect or reconnect outside of the bedroom can be helpful. If the issue comes down to the fact that the person is not interested in giving you the emotional intimacy that you need for the physical to be fun then that is a pretty easy fix as well… it just might require walking away and finding someone else who will.

2 Exhaustion

One of the biggest issues that couples come up against when it comes to keeping things hot and heavy (especially in long-term relationships) is just simple fatigue. This can be exacerbated by stress, but it plays out in just feeling too sleepy to be interested in engaging in the act. The key is to make this a priority anyway if the relationship is as important as the other stuff that is going on in your life. For couples who go to bed at the same time, it might make sense to get busy at bedtime, but other people find that it is easier to connect in the morning when they have a little more energy. Being intimate in the morning also has a bunch of other benefits, such as actually starting you off with a reduced state of stress that might help you handle the day better and therefore end the day with less stress as well. Whatever you do do not start thinking about it as a chore, treat like the little miracle that it is.

1 Stress

Stress can really put the strain on your relationship and your physical life too because it leads you (or him) to prioritize the things that are causing stress over the rest of life. We all deal with stress on different scales every day, but chronic and major stress is the thing to be concerned about. The good news is, that when you can get past it, the act can really help to reduce the stress in your life. Getting hot and heavy in the bedroom with your one and only has been proven to cut down on anxiety as well as physical pain. Plus, sleeping with someone is one of the best ways to increase your libido, so being intimate when you feel too busy and stressed out is actually a great way to make sure that you do it and reduce the amount of stress you're feeling. Plus, the average bedroom session only lasts three to thirteen minutes, so it's not like we're talking about carving out an entire day for the act. Let's be honest we all spend a lot more time than that scrolling on Instagram in a day, and our social media probably isn't giving us any euphoric feelings.