Once Dated Twice Shy? Here's Why You Need Date Two!

Not sure of what to do after you had a so-so first date? Here's a story about why you should consider setting up date number two with him! By Charley Reid

We live in a very instant-driven world. We want everything now: instant connections, friendships, likes on Facebook, followers on Twitter, and even instant love. So what happens when you go on a date and you don't feel that instant connection? It may sound like nuts, but your next course of action should be setting up the second date!

Finding love thanks to technology

My soon-to-be fiancé and I have been together for about 2 years. It's been the best relationship of my life, and we met on a dating website.

After moving back home from working in the entertainment industry for over 5 years, I was excited for the next phase of my life. One night I was drinking a glass of red wine, talking to one of my girlfriends on the phone, and she started telling me about how she just signed up for a dating website because they were having a sale, and suggested I sign up too. At first I was like “No way!” But then I was intrigued and really had nothing to lose. So there we were: on the phone, drinking wine, and setting up our profiles.

When I signed up for the dating website, I had zero expectations. What I did know was that I've dated a lot of guys, been on really horrible dates, definitely hadn't met “the one” yet, and thought it would be fun since I had just moved back home. I wasn't actually thinking I would fall in love. I mean, that doesn't really happen online, right?

Losing hope in the fast-paced world of dating

After going on two miserable dates, I got home one night, laid in bed, thinking about whether I should delete my account. And I almost did, except when I logged into my account, I saw a little notification informing I had a message.

It was from a guy who had sent me about 3 messages and I hadn't replied to any of them. To be honest, his pictures were very attractive, therefore I assumed he was a weirdo or a player, because why else would he need to be on a dating website? So I had ignored them. But this time, there was something about him I liked that went further than his photos, maybe it was how persistent he was, I really don't know. Whatever it was, it provoked me to reply to his message, and long story short, we had plans to go on our first date.

Our plans were pretty simple: he was to drive to where I lived, which was about an hour and a half from him, and he was to pick where we'd be headed for the night.

The first date that didn't go so well

When he picked me up, he had on a gray suit jacket. I couldn't decide if he looked like his photos or not. We talked small-talk here and there, and about 10 minutes later, we were parking in the restaurant parking lot.

He got out of the car and opened my door, being a gentleman. But as we started to walk away from his car to go inside, his car alarm starts going off. I thought, but this couldn't be a reason to not like this dude, right? I mean, it's not his fault his car alarm won't stop? But it was still as annoying as hell!

We got inside eventually, sat down, and all I was thinking about was how I wanted to order about 5 glasses of wine, but I'll settle for just one right now. We start talking, but then I really start to feel like he's doing all the talking, but not in a way he's trying to show off and show me how amazing he is, but he's just talking. Really. The words are coming out, and I'm trying to pay attention, but I'm also thinking about the wine I want to order.

The date continued, I had finished my glass of wine, he finished his beer, dinner arrives, I ordered tuna, and I honestly can't remember what he got. What I do remember is when we started asking each other what our favorite foods were, he told me he didn't like fish very much. Awesome, because I just ordered tuna! I was pretty nervous, and he kept talking, of course, and finally we left the restaurant to head to a bar nearby.

As we're leaving the restaurant, he goes “I'm starving! Do you mind if we go through the drive-through really fast?” Um… what?! Didn't we just eat? I thought. But I didn't care at all, in fact, I secretly loved that he just did this. Here we had just had dinner at a semi-fancy restaurant, and now he wants to grab something from the drive-through too before we go to the bar?

I honestly tried to hide how hilarious and adorable I thought this was, but then again, I think it's really strange. It made me wonder what other weird things he'd want to do.

The uncertainty that sets in during the date

When we got to the bar, I excused myself to the ladies room, called my best friend to let her know how the date was, and find myself telling her I really don't know what I think, but that I feel a little exhausted because I feel like he really doesn't shut up, like the guy hadn't stopped talking.

But there's also something about him I like, or is there? Is it even anything? Or is that just the wine talking? I didn't know, and that's all I could tell my best friend, is that I really just didn't know.

We continued on our date, eventually deciding we should probably call it a night since he had to drive back, and I was tired, mostly from his talking, ha! We head out from the bar and get in the car, and then we start talking about music. And I love music, I love finding new songs, bands, anything really, so I started playing all my favorite songs, and there he is, just listening away.

I couldn't help but feel like he was actually paying attention to what I was saying, listening to me explaining why I loved this song, hated that song, and so forth. In this moment, he wasn't talking, and I thought he was adorable.

The end of the first date

As the date ends, and he's driving back to my house, all I remember is that I'm sitting there thinking “I wonder what he thinks of me. Will we see each other again? Do I even care? Who is this guy, and do I want to try dating someone again and get hurt again? Ugh, why are relationships so complicated. Wait-slow down, you don't even care about this guy. Right?”

As I'm getting out of his car, he pulls me in for a simple kiss, nothing over the top, but it was really sweet. I liked it, but I didn't really feel anything. It was just a sweet gesture, and the way he did it was sort of macho, take-charge, and I liked that about it, and him.

Post-date thoughts

As I'm walking inside, I start to replay the evening, thinking about how I hated his gray suit jacket, how I'm exhausted because he talked so much, how he only ordered 1 beer at dinner, how he went through the drive-through, and before I could get halfway up my stairs, and process the date, my phone beeped.

It was a text from him saying “I had a great time tonight. I hope I can see you again soon.” My mouth dropped - You mean, this guy doesn't want to do the whole game thing, doesn't even care about waiting a day to text me, heck, he didn't even wait 3 seconds to text me from dropping me off, wait, does that make him a serial killer? Is he dangerous? Typical paranoid thoughts start racing through my mind. Except I also thought this was adorable, sweet, sincere, and actually made me smile for some reason.

Even though I was exhausted from what I thought was him talking non-stop, I didn't have feelings one way or the other for him, but I do know that his text made me smile, and because of that, I was open to learning more. As long as he never made me feel afraid or sent me uncomfortable text messages, which he didn't.

The second date that almost wasn't

So a week later, we were off for our second date! Again, he was to drive to my place, and we were going to go see a movie. When he came into my house to pick me up, he had on this lime pastel green shirt, dark jeans, and his eyes were as blue as the ocean.

OMG! This guy is insanely beautiful. Who is he? How did I not notice this on our first date? Why didn't I think he was this attractive on our first date? Was it because I couldn't get over the gray suit jacket or the fact that his car alarm wouldn't stop or maybe because he didn't stop talking?

Whatever the reason was, I realized in that moment, when he was standing in my kitchen, that I was so excited for our second date, and so happy to know I didn't just give up and tell him I wasn't interested because I didn't feel anything instant on our first date.

And here we are, 2 years later, and about to be engaged. But funny enough, he says I was the one who talked and wouldn't shut-up on our fist date. Strange how people have different perspectives on that one life-changing incident, no?

When in doubt about your first date, give it a second try. Who knows, the first date may have been lackluster because you either had really high expectations or you were both so nervous about everything!